(Because I have turned Clueless into a noun - a proper noun. A pronoun, even.)

I was supposed to place links here to my memorable posts but daym, there is just too many.

Instead, I decided to discuss relationships this blog had affected.

Astro - Stupid Fingers It was because of this post.

Mark - Ooops It was him this post was directed to.

Lex - who can ever forget this and this?

Abe - the feeling guapo who thought this was about him when it was actually about my best friend and I.

The Willing Victim - she was crushed by this because she agreed to lie for him. This was originally directed to her.

Ludwig - First Aid This was the last post I wrote about him when we were still official because...

Chevy - Found me. And now, my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend whom he cheated on with me is my best friend. Sweet!

Jowein - was my schoolbusmate in Elementary who I reconnected with. Ironic enough, we said more to each other through our blogs than when we were schoolbusmates.

Bo - became close to this blogger because of a secret we faithfully keep and despite a million invitations I gave her to meet up which she always had a reasonable excuse to turn down.

Tiepee - is my very first blogger friend whom I met through the blog of her college blocmate and my classmate in Grade 2 Karen.

Ton - was the very first blogger I met in person. That alone shows I have a certain level of trust on him. I wonder why.

Ariane - If it weren't for this blog, I wouldn't have had a grand time in Cebu and I would've stumbled during my dark times because I wouldn't have met this wonderful woman.

Leng - whose blog I used to religiously read for her interesting insights (until we met and we'd rather converse). Her birthday party is indeed memorable.

Kassy - whose blog I wandered to from Leng's and ended up to be a very good friend due to our similar interests in music and I'll forever be grateful for her invitation to the tribute to Wolfgang thingy.

Tins - we are like drugs to each other. We help each other heal from our mishaps. We are funn as very good gimik buddies can get.

Ay-gee - I had her start blogging and our eight-year friendship is stronger than ever.

Mardk - Every stressful day in the office would've been intolerable if it weren't for our crazy chats. I may just start my band management career because of him.

Ginno - Ton's insane friend who's on the same level as my sanity. He was responsible for my attendance at the Itchyworms album launch.

My sorority sisters and fraternity brothers whom I've grown fonder of because I stay in touch with their lives in a regular basis regardless of distance: Althea, Hayz, Maningning, Maris, Ren, Marisol, Dax and Reiner.

My real-life friends whose lives I've constantly stayed in touch with: Alvin, Andro, Audrey, Julie, Joycee, Kate, Nina, Rexy and Vermon

The bloggers who have a special spot in my heart although I've yet met them face-to-face: Cath (who is responsible for my background music), Vea (the sweetie who brightens my days with her Elle Woods posts), Cheenee (who reminds how funn my college days were), Hanagirl (whose reality is my dream), Joe Sison (who perennially keeps me updated on gigs and vice versa) and Russ (who always stimulated brain activity with her posts).

Six antagonized relationships and THIRTY FIVE built and/or nourished realationships.

Who says this blog ruins relationships? Perhaps, it only did for those who feared the truth.

Let me mention also the lurkers and non-bloggers who YM me, text me, message me, email me about my posts. You know who you are.

It has been a wonderful experience and I look forward to rocking the blog universe again with you all soon.

Thanks heaps!

******************************
*.* as if! @ 11:01:00 AM • • RBJ

~ Advices from Oprah about men ~

• If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
• If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
• Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
• Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
• Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
• Slower is better.
• Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
• If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
• Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
• Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
• The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
• Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
• Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
• Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
• If something bothers you, speak up.
• Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
• You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
• Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
• Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
• Never let a man define who you are.
• Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
• A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
• All men are NOT dogs.
• You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
• You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
• You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
• Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
• Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
• Never move into his mother's house.
• Never co-sign for a man.
• Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
• Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Bolded means I've applied specified advice.
Red means it is one of my guiding principles.

Hmmm... 25 out of 32 isn't so bad. I've learned how to play my cards right. Isn't that fantastic?


******************************
*.* as if! @ 11:11:00 AM • • RBJ

So... This is what it is like as you near your death.
Nobody would care to make you smile anymore.






"I hope the leaving is joyful and I hope never to return."

- Frida Kahlo's suicide note

******************************
*.* as if! @ 4:23:00 PM • • RBJ

I think I'm being extra melodramatic for having a countdown for the shutdown of this blog.


Most people I know would simply delete their blogs or stop blogging when they felt like doing so but I'm not most people. This blog has grown on me in the two years of its existence, nourished by my thoughts and rants and non-sensical blurbs. I'm not very good in letting go. So slowly, I shake it off.

For everyone who cares to know, this blog will soon be defunct because...

"Remember that game, hide-and-seek? Where everyone has to hide somewhere and someone always has to find out where you are? It's kind of like life. Everybody has something to hide, and everyone has to find out what it is. But sometimes, the game isn't just fun anymore... especially when you don't want to be found..."

- quoted from an abandoned LJ
(oops! I think I dropped a not-so-vague hint there)

******************************
*.* as if! @ 3:17:00 PM • • RBJ

All must obey.

******************************
*.* as if! @ 4:18:00 PM • • RBJ

This has been responsible for my climaxes these past week. Imaginatively speaking, that is.

******************************
*.* as if! @ 3:28:00 PM • • RBJ

This blog is twelve days away from death.

******************************
*.* as if! @ 12:32:00 PM • • RBJ

Something to look forward to next year sabi ni Carlo.

Alipin: qwestyn, wats the one thing u wnt right now but u cnt hve it?
Diyosa: car
Diyosa: hehe
Diyosa: boyfriend
Diyosa: ay one thing lang pala
Diyosa: well they can be one naman eh
Alipin: which is more impt?
Diyosa: of the two?
Diyosa: car
Diyosa: or maybe boyfriend who HAS a car
Diyosa: haha i really can't tell
Alipin: yes u can....
Diyosa: well, yeah, car
Diyosa: at least it's mine mine mine
Diyosa: It won't wander to another cunt
Diyosa: i mean heart
Diyosa: haha
Alipin: so sure k n sa car?
Diyosa: yeah sure
Diyosa: final answer
Alipin: ok...
Diyosa: i'm shallow and materialistic eh
Alipin: not really....
Diyosa: better than profound and boring
Diyosa: and stupid and lovestruck
Diyosa: hehehe
Alipin: maybe ur hearts just been broken a bunch of times and a car wont betray u. or hurt u
Diyosa: forgive me for my incoherent babbling
Diyosa: what's up anyways?
Diyosa: why the question?
Alipin: malalaman mo rin yun round next year.. call it research..
Alipin: my Diyosa for me u dnt babble or else i wnt be ur humble servant
Diyosa: ayayay
Diyosa: katakut
Diyosa: you're gathering info about the subject of your propaganda?
Diyosa: hahaha
Alipin: maybe maybe not...
Alipin: so f u hve tym check mo si muy caliente
Diyosa: okidoki
Diyosa: btw, i'm abandoning my blog na
Diyosa: lipat-bahay
Alipin: hahaha.. why?
Diyosa: will give you the new URL once i'm done with the template
Diyosa: i've become too popular and well, "out-there"
Alipin: sure my goddess..hahaha well dpt lng.. least d ka pa sikat ive met u na..
Diyosa: hahaha
Diyosa: ang cute nun
Alipin: so wen other pipol salivates na for u.. least im still the orig person tto call u my goddess
Diyosa: pag porn star na ko and rockstar ka na, we'll be like carmen electra and dave navarro
Alipin: hahaha.... why not...
Alipin: n least ako first nagcapitalize ng fame mo.
Diyosa: hahahaha
Diyosa: the thought of me famous is so funny
Alipin: so least u hve an idea why m i asking all these stuff
Diyosa: ah you're gon' make me famous? toink.
Alipin: not really 1/4 ng answer nsa muy caliente.. asking to be ur frend hehe

******************************
*.* as if! @ 10:26:00 AM • • RBJ

Yey.

******************************
*.* as if! @ 3:06:00 PM • • RBJ

Aking napaghinuha na makabubuti na hindi ko na muna siya kausapin. Maguguluhan lang ako. Kebs lang muna.

Birthday ni JP. Love pa rin daw niya ko. Inilipat niya yung painuman niya ng ibang araw, baka Friday, para makapunta ako sa bahay nila sa Cainta. Kebs rin.

Keber ako sa lahat. Ganun rin naman ang pinaparamdam nila sa `kin.

Alala ko yung nakakatuwang bading sa Mikko's sa White Beach. Sa kanya ko natutunan ang KEEEEEEBSSS!!! (Nakakatawa siya pag narinig promise. Matching Inday Garutay garalgal voice.)

Siguro kebs rin muna ako dito sa blogspot sa mga susunod na araw. Naaliw ako sa Multiply.

******************************
*.* as if! @ 2:28:00 PM • • RBJ

I don't really relate to my new background music. I don't care to know when "it will be me". It's just that... this song... this song... immortalized... [insert moment here]

One joint of good shit brought out mushy Floi.

UNO LANG.

******************************
*.* as if! @ 4:58:00 PM • • RBJ

I love Islam. I'm thankful to Muslims for having Ramadan. PGMA declared yesterday a non-working holiday to commemorate the end of Ramadan. Yey, nakapagday-off si Inday.

I woke up at around 9, read a couple of chapters of Santa Evita, laid in bed pondering how to make good use of a Friday of freedom and decided to invite Bes for a day of bonding. I am so good with parents as long as they were not mine. Permission to go out of the house is not very easy to secure in Bes's household but the mention of my name and a staged phone call earned Bes one.

We met up in Shang at 3 and took a cab to Galleria. I wanted to watch The 40-year-old Virgin but Bes had already watched it and I think it's a waste to pay twice to watch a movie in a Cinema. We settled for Waiting... which in the end made me realize I spent hard-earned cash to lay brain activity to waste. I don't even think my brain was active for those hour and a half. That movie is sheer murder of healthy brain cells.

We strolled around a bit, bought chic clutch bags and transferred to Megamall for my figure consultation in Slimmers World. It was like opening a Hershey bar to look back and to catch up with Bes. The last time I saw her was in January when I went to LB to celebrate my birthday in Isis.

I've forgotten but Bes reminded me of this funny experience we had with one of our roommates. Room 2207 of Men's Dorm introduced me to Angeli, Gelai and Kithi. After a a month, Angeli became my Bes, Gelai annoyed me out of my wits for letting her co-Cagayanons use our room as an evacuation facility and Kithi, oh Kithi. She spread rumors of Bes and I being MORE than best friends. In other words, she concluded she could not penetrate the territorial bubble Bes and I were in because we were having a romantic relationship. It was hilarious and pathetic. It was the end of our friendship with her.

Bes and I talked about a lot of experiences in LB, most of which have already left the conscious part of my memory. Bes would mention a name or place and I would have a dream-like flashback and if Bes weren't the one who brought it up, I wouldn't have considered the flashback as reality. I wouldn't have believed the flashback was once part of my reality. Everything seemed so distant and surreal and I had this sudden attack of nostalgia. There simply is no place like Los Baños.

We parted ways with heavy hearts but a rejuvenated friendship. I cannot wait for Bes to graduate and be in Manila for good by next year.

==============================

I went back to the apartment to pack. It was Sci's birthday the day before and the family was to celebrate last night.

I left at 9:30 and for economic purposes, decided to take a jeepney instead of a trike. I took the short way to Shaw. I passed by 65B with indifference (eeek sorry). It was brimming with people that ignited my curiosity so I did a double-take, turned around and entered through the back door. It turned out to be a Residents' Night sponsored by North California Alumni Chapter. The activity would continue every Friday of November with a different chapter sponsoring each night. Hmmm...

I ended up staying until midnight. The highlight of the night would be this brod I met. He introduced himself and the moment I laid eyes on him, his face matched one in my head. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. I figured I've met him perhaps in 65B. There couldn't have been any other instance. It turned out there was.

Their chapter is in one of the schools in Las Piñas so I asked each where he lives. That particular brod lives in *drumroll* Manuela 4-E!!! That is the subdivision where I spent the first half of my life in! The odd thing was that he couldn't recognize me. He knew all my childhood friends but he didn't know me. I couldn't blame him, though. Believe me, I MYSELF wouldn't be able to recognize me. See for yourself.

                   
CowFloi @ 2                                CowFloi @ 20

For more, click here though I can't come up with a reason for you to terrify yourself. ^_^

Moving on, the brod and I talked about our subdivision. It's true that you never forget anything. Every second of your whole life is archived. It's up to you to dig in and recall. It was a different kind of feeling, like finding myself. That was me. This is me. To move forward, perhaps you need to look back. Major nostalgia attack. I'll go visit someday.

How small the world is. You never know who you'll run into.

******************************
*.* as if! @ 11:04:00 AM • • RBJ

It has been a year. It has been twelve months. It has been fifty two weeks. Yes, it has been three hundred sixty five days. It may as well have been only yesterday because those four days in Cebu, my four eventful memorable days in Cebu, remain vivid in my mind.

Remembering Cebu doesn't fail to bring a smile on my face. From the "packing", to the missed flight, the unwelcomed visitor, the endless SMS and boy hunting, the kidney-shaped stones' prediction, the badminton luck, the fireworks, the crazy intimate nights in Vudu, the lost-in-translation moments in Robinson's, the noontime brunch, coffee bonding with Ariane, the incompetent hairdressers, the wedding sponsor gown, the elevator brush-off, the rated R bikini open, the failed attempt at QT in the beach, the 5-star hotel experience, the standing-on-Top-of-Cebu moment, the crossroads in Pipeline, the hangout in Mark's place, and finally, the confessional hour. Uh, no not finally, the cap has to be the drama over Cebu lechon.

"I'll never forget Cebu, Floi"

No matter how hard I try, I myself couldn't forget. Perhaps I couldn't because deep inside I really don't want to. I once told Tins that temp is better than nada. This statement may make me sound slutty and shallow but I truly believe in it. What is short-term happiness to a lifetime of regret? In the end, we will feel more remorse toward the things we didn't do rather than the things we did. At the very least, I was able to express how I feel and he was able to make me believe he feels the same. Whether it was true or just my imagination does not matter. What matters is that I was happy and thinking about that happiness makes me happy.

I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that I am still waiting. It may sound pathetic but it has been said that good things come to those who wait. What would be shameful is when while you're waiting, you also put your life on hold. We must realize that the end (who knows, it might even not be the end but merely a hiatus) of something does not mean the end of everything.

This is a lovesong for the loveless and the hopeless.
You can be certain that I’m with you when I sing.
This is a lovesong for the desperate and the lonely.
You could have nothing but you’ll still have me.



******************************
*.* as if! @ 9:33:00 AM • • RBJ