there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Don't effin' blame the chef!

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Nokia - connecting people

Pop's homesick. I can feel it through his text messages. [or through paternal connection? haha!]

Well, he hasn't been away from home for a long time. He's in Batangas now coz that's where his work took him. He's been going there for the past three weeks and he only gets home on weekends. It must be sooo hard for him not to see us, especially Pangee. I used to be such a daddy's girl. I still am sometimes. Baby sis has been apple of Pop's eyes ever since I acted was too matured to make lambing to him anymore. But, heck, thank God for texting!

Remember that ad where this rocker chick texted her parents after dropping her off at school? I can so relate to that. I can't say how I feel to Mum's and Pop's faces but I can on text. I dunno. We're not an affectionate family.

So anyway, I remember just recently, I went on a date to Antipolo. It was one of those impromptu let's-go-to-cloud-nine dates. I had to text Pop that I'll be home late [early in the morning?]. I went "Hey Pop, don't stay up for me anymore. I'm on a date at Cloud Nine in Antipolo. I'm so happy coz I really like this guy. Hope you understand. Mwah!" and Pop goes "Ok. Make sure to let us meet him soon. Ingatz." I would never have had that conversation with him in person! I have never told him I'm going to or already in a date. When Astro and I were going out, I'd tell them we're going out but I never actually used the word date. I find it more... revealing, I guess. Much more talking about a guy I like. Duh! Too bad he'll never get to meet that guy I liked.


I'm going to my very first business cocktail tomorrow! Not only that, I'll be with someone who can potentially convince me that there is a REAL MAN out there. The Boss??? Huwaaat?! C'mon now... Ewww. It's the architect who will design our upcoming executive office. He's extremely cute! As in, Boy-Next-Door cute. He's very articulate which is the first thing that make me notice a guy. What will I wear? What will I wear? Hahaha... my vanity will soon kill me.


Whenever you're sad
Whenever you're crying
I'll be the one who wipes away your tears
Whenever you call
Whenever you need me
I'll be the one who runs to you
Giving my love
Well you know how much I love you
So you better not let me down
I'm not asking for too much baby just stick around

Sino kayang kumakanta lagi nito sa 'kin? Hmmm... ang sweet mo naman. Eto'ng sa yo:

Fuck what I said it don't mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw 'em out
Fuck all those kisses, it didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you scrub, I don't want you back

Ironic. He introduced this song to me the first time I got into his car. Right back at ya.

♥Hey Chevy, thanks! You rock, girl! We rule! Ain't no man boy is gonna make us pull each other's hair. Cheers!Ü

*.* as if! @ 8:26:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Friend Test

Dammit! I took Loiza's friend test and I merely answered 5 out 10 questions correctly! How weird is that!? The girl whose umbilical cord is practically connected with mine is not who I think she is. Hahaha! You bitch.

Hmmm... I'll make one myself. Let's see how you do. :p

Bitches Rule!!!

Another episode of Sex and the City was shot at Starbucks ATC [with the special participation of Marnie, the man whose favorite color is purple. Go figure!Ü]. Man! I love my bitches Loiza and Julie. Hahaha! Though Julie's a chaste bitch.Ü Moi being Carrie, Loiza being Samantha and Julie being Charlotte. Marnie can fill in to be Miranda. Lolz.

Control of


Just Walk Away

But then, how do you walk away from something you were never in?
Hmmm... *thoughfully scratching chin*

to be continued...


My love life has so far involved boys.

Sweet, naive, frosted, boys.

Boys in discussion can range from ages 18 to 26. Sheesh.. where have all the real men gone?
Kaching! Does this mean 26+ men stand a chance? Nah-uh! Elk! They smell bad awready. Hahaha!

Mean. Mean. Mean.

meaness is my body's form of reflex to insult

Whapakkk! I need serious spanking. But, what do you think do they call me a bitch for?

*.* as if! @ 10:12:00 PM • • RBJ

Sunday, April 25, 2004

First Aid

What to do when he turns off the lights? You cry. Nothing to do but cry. Then, you call up the next best prospect and let him soothe your deflated ego broken heart. DISREGARD THIS ADVICE. THAT IS, UNLESS YOU WANT TO SHARE MY ECCENTRICITY.

Nothing can cause a girl much pain than a news blackout from someone she never expected is capable of doing so. He was perfect, almost THE ONE. Then, he screws everything up. You call it quits. Had I been less wiser, I'd have decided otherwise, giving him us infinite another chances. Or maybe, he can still convince me to. Maybe. Let's wait for him to turn the lights back on first.


I'd rather you be mean,
Than love and lie,
I'd rather hear the truth,
And have to say goodbye,
I'd rather take a blow,
At least then I would know,
But baby, don't you break my heart slow.

*.* as if! @ 10:07:00 PM • • RBJ

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Failing Instincts

Had a smashing time at Temple in Greenbelt last night with Bossing Vic and mah bebe Belle. Vic treated us out after the success the long-awaited and [meticulously planned] press conference turned out to be. Phew! The rewards of our hard-work and overtimes are countless.The highlight of the night perhaps was how I ended up with... ahem, a couple. Not just any couple, but a 3rd sex couple [which we will refer to as 3SX].

We were on the 2nd level and Belle and I were checking the slammin' crowd below. We spotted our preys almost at the same time which happened to be the 3SX. Of course, we hadn't the slightest idea they were like so then. To make the story short, I made my move, got to know the guys gays and was aghast. But it was all good coz they are cool. Smart. Heck, that's what I love about Greenbelt. It's like there's a sign that says no jologs allowed, which is a surprise why they let me in to the place. Lolz. Sad thing is, I should've known better. I should've seen it! Sheesh, my man-radar is getting rusty.

Chasing Subtitles

Nico made me watch this Thai film Ong Bak last Thursday. [yah, as in made coz I never was a fan of violence] Guessed it right, it's an action-comedy whose fight scenes involve Thai boxing which apparently focuses on making use of the knees and elbows as weapons. Really bloody but amusing nonetheless coz the humor is intelligible but not shallow. Ong Bak is the name of the town's Buddha and its loss brought severe drought. It was stolen and the hero's task was to look for it in the city and bring it back. Just watch, awright? I'm glad I did.

Newly Baptized

Changed my friendster name to Niña. Why? It's for me to know and you to find out. Hahaha!

It caused quite a stir, I must say. No big deal, really.

*.* as if! @ 2:03:00 PM • • RBJ

Sunday, April 18, 2004


My tummy hurts. It's my body's weird way of having a hang-over. hehehe. No sensible post for today. Laziness for blogging is contagious. I got mine from the dude. hey ya louis!Ü

How I Feel

Love is tragic
Love is bold
You will always do what you are told
Love is hard
Love is strong
You will never say that you were wrong
I don't know when I got bitter
But love is surely better when it's gone

'Cause you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live
You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer
For a love that isn't there

Love is color
Love is loud
Love is never saying you're too proud
Love is trusting
Love is honest
Love is not a hand to hold you down
I don't know when I got bitter
But love is surely better when it's gone

'Cause you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live
You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer
For a love that isn't there

I got to pick me up when I am down
I got to get my feet back on the ground
I got to pick me up when I am done

I dont know when I got bitter
But love is surely better when it's gone
I don't know when I got bitter
But love is surely better when it's gone
'Cause you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live
You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer
For a love that isn't there

You wanted more
More than I could love
More than I could offer
The harder you would shove
You wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live

*.* as if! @ 4:07:00 PM • • RBJ

Monday, April 12, 2004

Crashed and Burned

This day has been a roller coaster of emotions. For no particular reason. No concrete explanation. Can't possibly be my hormones. This isn't my time of the month. Must be me again. Just being me. Weird me. Weeeerd as Dee-Dee puts it.

Happy. Sad. Elated. Lonely. Though not alone. Heck, the office was busy by midday. Tired. First time in my four weeks at work. Excited. Laugh trip. Annoyed. Some people can be so self-absorbed. I'd rather talk about my friends all the time. Forget the word me in social conversations. Caffeinated. DJ Myx Lemoned. Mellowed down. Irritated. Frustrated. Bitchy. I wasn't able to restrain giving the two guys at Metro Point the spirit finger when they "threw me compliments". Oh, my perfectly manicured nails and meticulously lotioned hand. Blogged.

I can have a good night's sleep now. Thanks.
Must be the shoes. Blame it on the new mules. I'm going back to my beaten-up stilletos tomorrow. Or maybe I just desperately need to go dancing. Ipanema, here I come. I will not let this weekend pass without giving you a visit. I shall not. Oh goody! Thursday's payday.

Blood, Sweat and Tears

No. My first paycheck wasn't worth these. My smile [sige na nga, and my tits wits] did the trick. Hihihi.

Wondering where my first paycheck went to? Try being texted right after cashing in your check by a dear friend I haven't heard from for over a year. Then, meeting up and having frappes with her at Starbucks Shang and then getting on and off a hundred cabs scouting for a cool place to whine wine and catch up. Finally, settling for Temple in Greenbelt. Then, having coffee [again!]. The catch: feeling all generous and grateful at the same time, you offered to pay for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

I was happy, though. No regrets. A paycheck spent for a loved one is a paycheck well spent .

Gave the rest to mum. Aaaawww...

Swallowing my Words

Could there possibly be anyone more pathetic than me? I find myself





in love.

With no apparent grounds. I should go see a psychiatrist. Or a cardiologist. If it's true that hearts get bruised.
I'm stealing copyrighted images now. Great. Meet Floi, the cyber thief.

*.* as if! @ 9:15:00 PM • • RBJ

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Lighten Up!

I posted my banner just for laughs. I don't believe in it myself. Hihihi. Just adding some humor to my rather dark weblog. Glad y'all liked it.Ü

Smooching Business

Is it me or is every couple in Friendster posting pictures of their liplocking?!


My kissers have been on vacation for a while now. Heck, I'm not even sure I still remember the mechanics of a kiss.

Lips tight - press against his - more pressure - open slightly - ...

I need someone to refresh my memory, man!

And then, I announce that I'm a bitch. with class.

*.* as if! @ 2:32:00 PM • • RBJ

Friday, April 09, 2004

Something for you to do

as stolen from jowein

1. copy this whole list into your journal.
2. bold the things that you have in common with me. (bold can be used as verb? how funn!)
3. whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
4. indicate that you stole it from me. or whoever was the victim of your vile, vile cut+pasteage.

01. one is the loneliest number.
02. i think the man of my dreams is right in front of me.
03. i enjoy quoting myself.
04. i don't like important things, i never know how to handle them.
05. i value opposition. it brings out the monster in me.
06. in my head, paranoia is almost an emotion.
07. i generally ignore "bad" things, and i try hard to cover it up with shiny kiddie-stuff.
08. i enjoy being awake at 2am. and 3am and 4am. then getting up at 1pm.
09. i believe things only when they are italized. (or bold-ed. html-ified)
10. i wish i wasn't so afraid of getting hurt. [by myself]
11. i'm secretly really selfish. [quite too secretly. people would never have noticed]
12. i have lotsa secrets it seems scary even to me sometimes.
13. anything can be put between asterisks, and they magically turn into an emotion. *see*
14. oracles are for those who needs a serious reality check.
15. i get really jealous really easily. [and am not afraid to show it]
16. i like whining constructively.
17. coffee is much like breastmilk for adults.
18. lesbians are the scariest gender. [or non-gender]
19. strike-throughs are the truth.
20. i check my email everyday second! to see if i got new email, sometimes i check more than once twenty times a day.
21. i cannot wing anything in life. i'm not a wing-er.
22. vanity is my favorite sin.
23. i don't like people/buddies who drink. i love them.
24. i think social drinking is the worst.
25. i've never done drugs. [and don't intend to]
26. i appreciate inspiration.
27. it comes to me in trucks.
28. i hate people who expect me to engage in life all the time. (life should engage in me!)
29. i like making phrases.
30. i want to be famous. period.
31. on my bed, i've got an extra pillow for hugging.
32. i like taking long walks with buddies.
33. my mother irritates me like no one else; yet i rely on her for everything.
34. i often forget that i'm not the center of the universe.[though i am for most guys. haha]
35. to be sixty and still alive would be the scariest thing.
36. i hate publicizing imperfect work.
37. i'm very clingy, usually to just one person and i ignore everyone else. but only in secret.
38. i always think everyone admires me.
39. i live a lot inside my head. [which is a very very scary place]
40. spelling errors really bug me.
41. incorrect grammar, unless done purposely, is the most terrible terrible thing.
42. i am a fairy godmother, especially in the face of gorgeousness.
43. love at home is measured by bonbons&chocolates&icecream.
44. frappe at Starbucks after a long day at work makes me very happy.
45. i hate competition but i still want to be the best.
46. i am confusing at times.
47. i'd rather watch than do. mostly.
48. i want to be everything to someone who is everything to me.
49. i know how to have offline fun. hard.
50. i love watching people.
51. i like silence at times. like once a year.
52. i wish i don't have to pay attention.
53. i wish money wasn't an issue. so much.
54. i like the smell of matchsticks and cigarettes.
55. i want to be everyone's favorite person.
56. nostalgia isn't cheap! despite what sir sayson says.
57. i always need an example for everything, whether or not i follow it.
58. if i'm bored i won't do my work.
59. i love giving long, drawn-out letters to people.
60. i wish people would write back. really wish.
61. i'm not nihilistic and just acceptacceptaccept.
62. i'm also very optimistic. and happy. and loveverything!
63. i always contradict myself. ohways.
64. i have 0 to 5 real friends.
65. sometimes i don't care.
66. sometimes i say "sometimes" but mean "always". like now.
67. sometimes i say "sometimes" but mean "always". like now. and in #66.
68. i always repeat myself. often because i never think that anyone understands.
69. i make generalizations.
70. i aim to get too close to people.
71. i definitely know what i want.
72. i exaggerate a lot.
73. i like the smell of books. old books, new books, crummy books. [but not those in the library]
74. i like meeting high standards.
75. adjectives/adverbs are my best friends. they, and not verbs, are the real action words.
76. i'm very [hypo]critical.
77. i don't care much for formal things.
78. i don't pay attention to current events.
79. i can appreciate beauty when it is framed.
80. i compose narratives in my head whenever anything happens. including punctuation. to death.
81. i compose blogger posts in my head as things happen. always.
82. i hate my henna pants, but my ass looks great on it.
83. i loved school. and fire tree blossoms in august. [especially those by the dirt road on the way to math class]
84. every summer i make an "ode to summer (in los baños)"
85. i focus best on the things that distract me from what i "should" be doing.
86. i don't believe in decisions.
87. i am so arrogant that i believe that i am always right.
88. i am very opinionated. usually about pointless things.
89. i think lots of things are pointless.
90. i love life. [and in love with it]
91. i am never angry for more than ten seconds.
92. i think i'm smarter than everyone. how arrogant (see #87)
93. i often doubt myself.
94. i'm too nice for words.
95. i often use words without knowing what they mean.
96. i often say things without knowing what i mean.
97. but sometimes i'm too nice.
98. I dwell on things that I shouldn't.
99. i capitalize inconsistently.
100. i don't sleep enough.


This blog will soon become private.
I'm on the look-out for you dumb or dumber with IP address

If you got nothing nice to say, just leave my site. I don't need readers like you.

*.* as if! @ 2:31:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

I'm in ♥!!!

With the city, that is.Ü

Who needs a boyfriend when the city would never break your heart? Be it Manila, Pasay, Makati, Mandaluyong and of course, my first boyfriend, Las Piñas, you'll never be lonely even if you are alone.


Moonlight Man tells me New York is much like Makati. Hmmm... Should my dreams of being an NY chick not materialize, I'd still die happy. ;) Speaking of which, my dates with Moonlight Man merely involves chatting in Y! on my nights when I'm not too tired from work and the travel, and on his mornings when he gets to wake up early and he doesn't have to run an errand. It's good enough for me.Ü

The smile on my face...

... is because of ...

Ha! I'm not saying. Neither is he. she. it. they.

Fact is, I am smiling more often now. A little too often.

I find myself smiling...

...while waiting for the fax tone.
...while put on hold.
...while rummaging through folders and folders of files.
...while waiting in line at the MRT.
...while in the elevator.
...while waiting for my frappe.
...while liquidating the petty cash.
...basically, all the time!!!


I don't believe it. I really am popular.was, floi. WAS.
I never considered myself popular. It's like telling a sidewalk beggar he was born with Ayala blood.

I can't deny I had the best times back in high school, though. Well, I got invited to this "Popular Josephians Only" group in Friendster. Nice! Thanks for the invite whoever you are.

*.* as if! @ 10:12:00 PM • • RBJ

Saturday, April 03, 2004



Chi is right! I do have a stalker. Psycho, man! He hacked my friendster account [I dunno how] and damn, deleted His testimonial for me. HE i.e. astro. He even deleted Him from my friend list! Scary talaga! To think I met up with him a few hours ago. He confessed.

Grabe na 'to!!! Sayang! He looks like Miko Palanca. And really good fingers [in playing the guitars]. Who wouldn't feel all pretty when a guy meets up with her and plays the guitar for her right in the heart of Robinson's Galleria?!

Sayang talaga!


I went to 65B [a bar in Shaw Blvd exclusive for Betans] by myself and I had a really great time!. Too bad putcha_gwapo_sya was in Mindoro.

Anyweiz, I got to meet some sisses and brods from other chapters. Galeng talaga! It was like we've known one another forever!!!

I'm definitely going back there soon.

Sigma Beta Alumnae Association is sponsoring a badminton cup tomorrow at Shuttle's Best. Still considering if I'm going. But, I'd love to!!!

*.* as if! @ 2:14:00 AM • • RBJ

Friday, April 02, 2004


Who is this curious surfer browsing through my archives??? You with IP address, just tell me what you want to know, ayt?


Will anyone disagree if and when someone described me as "petite,sexy(very sexy that is),deep brown eyes,soft hair,fair,"SHE'S NOT SIMPLE"('cause she's very interesting),she's wonderful,& her beauty is breathtaking."?

I'm at a dilemma here. Someone please back this up.

Last post I was narcissistic. Now, I'm just pathetic and insecure. haha!

*.* as if! @ 12:21:00 AM • • RBJ


I'll be seeing you. Goodnight.

Find me here:


Palabras Finales

Remember me when you hear this

sleeps with butterflies ~ tori amos

Airplanes take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live?
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat?
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl, this girl

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

miss me? spot me here:

be listed

Bury the Hatchet

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