there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Don't effin' blame the chef!

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Burned out

Daym! I haven't fully recuperated yet from yesterday's exhaustion. But it's all worth it...

I'll blog about it when my excitement has simmered down and my mind is clear enough to recollect the day's every event.

But now... gotta get some shut-eye...


*.* as if! @ 11:32:00 PM • • RBJ

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Gandang Sigma Betan

Whoopee! I just found out that a sorority sister made it to the final cut of Binibining Pilipinas.

I am Über proud of and excited for her. She will no longer be just a ramp model, but an actual beauty queen. [We all hope.] And maybe she can get us into the guest list for the coronation night or something. *wink*

FYI, she holds the title for the Ford Supermodel of the World 2000, for which she was guested at Sharon alongside Melanie Marquez some couple of months back. How proud we all are of her.

Please vote for Mary Joan de Mesa at Binibining Pilipinas. She's candidate number 13. Thanks!

Hmmm... makes me wonder if I could ever have the opportunities that she has. Probably when beauty contests and fashion shows qualify midgets. c",)

*.* as if! @ 11:41:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Coffee in the Rain

I just arrived home from a gruesome coffee date with Ighie. The date was great, but the weather wasn't. It was drizzling the whole day. Next time, we swore to check the weather first.

Ighie is a high school girlfriend who I haven't seen for over a year. The last time we were together were in another friend's debut party and we didn't get talk much then because of distracting other friends. :D

Our catching up happened in Starbucks Intramuros. We were there at 5pm and made do with one of those giant umbrellas for shelter.

A pack of Marlboro Lights and 2 frappes later, we felt like we weren't separated at all. Let's just say that every couple of months were compensated with an hour.

We wrapped things up by 10pm. Talk about a major bonding session, pare.

Coffee Talk

I haven't always been a big fan of coffee. I'm usually the milkshake girl. In fact, I've only been hooked on this delightful beverage just recently.

Minus those rare instances when Roselle managed to drug drag me to Isis Cafe to appease her end-of-the-day caffeine cravings, I never drank coffee.

Caffeine has a reversed effect on me. I'm normally a hyperactive person and I mellow down even after a few sips of coffee. Weird, I know, but that fact is trivial. I indulge in my weirdness.

I remember that one time when I drank 4 cups of Nescafe Frothe to stay awake to study for a major exam in Stat 144, I ended up feeling too sleepy and my hand was too shakey to keep solving. I slept the night off and had hyperacidity the whole of the following day.

The main reason I forced my system to adapt to coffee is that I realized that the most interesting conversations take place over coffee. As Jowein puts it, "Everyone coffees." Characters in Friends hang out in a coffee shop. Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte has a routine coffee date. EVERYONE COFFEES. Now, I do, too.Ü

*.* as if! @ 12:10:00 AM • • RBJ

Sunday, February 22, 2004

There’s No Easy Way to Break Your Own Somebody’s Heart

It’s over. For real. How final can “It’s over” be.

No arguments. No irresolvable issues. No who-did-whats. No it’s-not-you-it’s-mes. No tear-stained faces. No dramatic give-me-this-backs. No broken promises.

We just decided to let each other go our own separate ways, alone. No strings attached. We have succumbed to the bitter finality of “It’s over”. We have finally admitted to ourselves that it’s not going to work.

Well, how does IT really work? There’s no recipe for a perfect relationship. There’s no tried-and-tested formula to a “and they lived happily ever after” ending. If there is, then every human being would have spent the rest of his/her life with the first person they shared romantic feelings with. No one would have experienced pain and heartache. No one would have known precisely how intensely fulfilling it felt to find that special someone.

That is how the real world works. Contrary to the love stories depicted in movies and books, not all relationships [even marriages] end only when deaths do them part. In the real world, love is not enough. In the real world, love does not keep lovers alive. In the real world, when unforeseen situations arise, couples quarrel. In the real world, not all problems are resolvable. In the real world, break-ups are inevitably part of human existence.

The most rational thing to do is to kiss each other goodbye, cry for a while, dry your tears, and look forward to what the future has in store for you. Look forward to what God has planned for you. Face the morning with a renewed zest and look back to the twilight with a smile.

The most significant fact is both of you gave that thing called love a chance. Both of you let your walls down and let each other into the inner depths of your soul. Both of you labored to achieve compromise. Both of you did your part to “make it work”. Both of you.

Love seems too vague a word; perhaps, the most abstract word in all existing vocabularies. There’s no exact definition for it. It cannot be completely defined, only felt. As the song goes, “I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me.” You can ask a million people what love is and no two would give you the same exact answer, except for those overused clichés like love is blind blah-blah-blah.

All I know is, love is what I feel for you, Astro. We may no longer be “in a relationship” in the strictest sense of the term, but I will love you forever. I thank you with my whole heart for teaching me what love is. Love for me is you.

The sweet is never as sweet without the sour.

*.* as if! @ 2:49:00 AM • • RBJ

Saturday, February 21, 2004



The UP Sigma Beta Sorority(Los Baños Chapter) in cooperation with FORD San Pablo and CASTROL Philippines/Norenells presents ROAD RAGE:Transhow 2004 on February 27, 2004 from 8a.m. to 6p.m. at
S.U. Carpark, UP Los Baños, Laguna. Register NOW!!!

There will also be a culminating event entitled RAGE ON THE ROCKS: The Ultimate After Party on February 27, 2004 from 8p.m. to 2a.m. at FLATROCKS Bar and Restaurant.Tickets are already

For more information: send an email to


*.* as if! @ 4:47:00 AM • • RBJ

Friday, February 20, 2004


I went to boardwalk with Mum, Pop and Baby Sis. Yes, it was surprising of me to tag along since everyone knows how much I consider spending time with my folks to be nothing less than unbearable lately. Well, I'm so unpredictable I even surprise myself sometimes.

So, there we were, strolling along, seeming to be a happy family to bystanders perhaps. Weeeell, I was kind of contented I did go coz I think we really were happy. No arguments, would you believe it?!

That is, until we sat down for dinner.

My current state of being an OSY surfaced and... need I say what happened next? There I was, on the defense again and there they were, the antagonists, dissecting my every act and word for the whole duration of my stay in UPLB.

When will this end?!

I'm trying hard to convince myself that I'm perfectly fine now. I'm trying hard to push myself to move on. They just can't let it all go.

I guess it's harder for them considering everything they had to "go through" to give me what I "threw away" but can't they fully comprehend that I do realize that this is MY life at stake. Theirs is starting to simmer down; mine's just starting to sizzle up.

Often I wish that I weren't this smart so my mind's eye won't have to see what a waste I'm bound to become. Or what a waste my PARENTS think I'm bound to become. I won't have to be aware of all these wasted potentials and opportunities. I would just be preppy, naive floi without the slightest struggle to claim myself from my parents.

I Hate Plans [part two]

I hate plans. Even more the people who can't keep them.

Jane and I planned to meet up with Yekk and Alvin at Skins. Pop permitted me to. My wallet permitted me to. But Jane had to act up on the last minute. Cancelled.

Yekk offered to pick me up at home. I was getting ready. Alvin had to act up. Cancelled.

Loiza texted me saying she was there at Starbucks Malate. I was going to just take a cab. Pop took a look at the time. 11pm. Cancelled.

Why?! Why?!

Mindless Rant

Random thoughts I scribbled on the back of a notebook while simply listening to Wave:

The world tumbles on my shoulders. Every tiny element of hell I endured for the past 19 years of my existence to grasp even the slightest droplet of greatness is lost in the sea of nothingness. The fall from the cliff of success flicked me right in the nose and opened my senses to the bitter reality that I am no more than a flailing convict in the death row. I cannot smile my way nor write my path out of what fate has in blueprint for me. This is the end of the line for me. I have become a crippled voyager finding refuge in a gypsy's caravan. Good Samaritan? They left me in the middle of the desert without my knowledge; the blue skies and green pastures were all a mirage all along. Find you own wagon, Floi. Dream on.

*.* as if! @ 11:53:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Surprise! Surprise!

I bet you did a double take upon arriving at my site. Yes, you visited the right URL. This is still

Remember me whining about wanting a new format? [see Jan8 post] Well. it took me a looong time but here it is, finally!

Now, Matet wants me to join this web designing contest their org is having. Halleeer! All I know is basic html. I know people whose sites are more "html-y" than mine.

Hmmm... I don't think I want to stick with this color scheme. They just go well with the top pic but... this is SOOO not me. Despite all the angst and lamentations, I am still bubbly. Colors make me feel good better.

And look! There's a tiny forlorn butterfly! Exactly how I feel.

Now, if only I can get my comment box to work...

*.* as if! @ 11:39:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Cousins Galore


Genesis and Red [maternal cousins] drove over for a drinking session.

I love teasing Genesis about being lonely coz her gf Mayeth just left for Dubai a couple of weeks ago. Hehehe. I am so kupal.

We drank Red Horse and I have to say, we drank a lot. About 20 bottles.

By 2am, they gave up on the beer and played CS. I, on the other hand, hit the sack.

Bad Weather

I was down and out yesterday. Woke up with every bone in my body aching. My head felt like it's gonna split in two. And I was hallucinating that I could hear the faint bass of CG.

I realized that it was probably what my system's bound to after having the colds for almost a week.

Swallowed two tablets of Vitamin C and a Biogesic tablet then slept the day away. By 5pm, I was back to my perfect condition, thank God! I'm just not the type who gets sick. I almost never experience these health conditions.

*.* as if! @ 6:01:00 PM • • RBJ

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Thursday Shwaysday

Where do I start?!

I went to LB and as in, every minute I stayed there was well spent.

I was there by 2pm and didn't call it a day till 530 the next morning. Haaay... UPLB, Aking Mahal... Haaay...

It's gonna take me forever to blog about everything that happened so, let's just say that Feb Fair lived up to its reputation.

Even Charm was there and well, we had the "closure" we needed since October.

Aw, shucks. Would've been a perfect day but I didn't get to see Bes. *tear* :,(

Love and Traffic

Damn Valentine's Season!

It took Astro and me 2 hours from Las Piñas to Manila Yacht Club last night for the Lovapalooza. We walked the rest of the way to Baywalk. Not that it surprised us or anything. But, the thing is, I wore heels. You can just imagine the torture my feet underwent. I should have opted for the bowling shoes.

Honestly, I would have preferred to stay at home, have a nice homecooked dinner with all the scented candles lit around us, a bottle of red wine and lots of stuffy pillows. The works! hmmm... just imagining it gives me goosebumps. :)

But, instead, we subjected ourselves to pushing our way through swarms of people and oh... what a pity my toes looked like after the night. But, it's all good coz it was really kakakilig.

We arrived at 1130pm, just 30 minutes away from the moment and caught performances by Arnee and Jay-Ar. The crowd went ballistic over Jay-Ar. I didn't. Coz I know a deep dark secret he's hiding. *evil grin* I have to say Ala looked exceptionally pretty / in love [?] last night. hmmm... and Juddha was really cute doing the ocho-ocho. ;)

After the longest and most meaningful 10 seconds of our night, we stuck around and watched the fireworks then left to meet up with TGIS at Bargo Malate. We saw Bryan [a high school friend] with Janice [the girlfriend] along Nakpil and said hi.

After Bargo, we went to Common Ground for the real party. Crowded as usual. Can't drop a pin on the dancefloor. And heck, there was this guy rubbing up against me on the dancefloor coz Astro was irritatingly contented with sitting in the corner, watching the ledge dancers. Good thing I had Nog and Jeff form a fence around me.

At around 3, we decided to call it a night. We came across Bamse and I initiated small talk. FYI, he's a friend from high school's cousin who claims to look like Aga Muhlach. But, he really does, I guess. He's just way shorter. Lolz.

We had TGIS go ahead coz Astro wants to eat at Max's. They're only open till 2am as opposed to the 24-hour-service of Max's in LB. So, we had our mignight snack/breakfast/winding down at Shakey's. Now, my tummy's really constricted, what with my "fasting"/"crash diet" over the last couple of days, but we didn't realize how much we ordered till everything was set before us. When we admitted that we can't eat anymore, we had the left-overs doggie-bagged.

We walked a while along baywalk and hailed a cab. Would you believe, cab drivers are asking for 150 bucks to our place? Halleeer!!! After about a thousand opportunist cab drivers, one finally came who agreed to turn on what would read on the taxi meter.

Astro spent the rest of the morning here and went home at 1pm.


This is the third Valentine's Day Astro and I spent together, and the second as a couple. Something more romantic always comes up every year. I wonder what's in store for us next year. Hmmm... Are we still gonna be together next year???

I just gotta post this!!!

As you might have noticed, I've tapered on posting quizzie results but...

This is all too...


You are going to marry Josh Hartnett. He is really
shy, but don't let that fool you. He is really
outgoing and sweet with those he loves and will
be loyal to them for the rest of his life.

Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Coincidence?! Hey Josh, wazzup?! A**hole.

*.* as if! @ 6:50:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Thud! Ouch.

I guess I bragged blogged about it too soon but, I didn't get the eRep position at PeopleSupport.

Dear Marie Fleurdelis B. Pablo,

Thank you for applying at PeopleSupport Philippines, Inc! We certainly appreciate your interest in working for our company.

Unfortunately, after careful consideration, we have determined that your qualifications do not match our requirements and needs at the moment. Although you were not selected for this position, we heartily wish you success.

Should you continue to be interested in the eRep position in the future, you may re-apply after six months from the date of your previous examination or interview.

Please do not respond to this email message.

Thank you for your patience and interest.

PeopleSupport HR Recruitment Team

I suppose I should get used to these failures and fruitless opportunities. Somehow, I should realize that a bright smile and a perfect score in an exam won't be enough in succeeding in "the real world". Haaay...

I'm putting my hopes on another job apportunity Brod Victor Ramos is working out for me. He has a friend in the call center industry who might be able to pull some strings for me.

I wonder what will become of me. I wonder.

FLOI = disappointed but not disheartened

U.P. Feb Fair

I feel so bad about missing the fair this year. It's always the most exciting and eventful activity in the campus, drinking in the field being legal and all.

I'm going there tomorrow to catch at least a day of the happenings. I'll have to go home on Friday because of...


I'm going to Close-Up's Lovapalooza. I first heard of it from Ala's blog.

It seems to be a fun affair and I decided to share it with none other than Astro. It happens to fall on our 18th monthsary.

I received a handful of invitations to this but, DUH!!! As if!

Mae and some sisses are thinking of going, too. They said they'll decide soon as they find their partners. Lolz.

*.* as if! @ 10:13:00 PM • • RBJ

Sunday, February 08, 2004

With Crossed Fingers

Okeiii. I know I promised to blog the next day but I bet you know by now that I don't keep my promises much. *sigh*

But now, I won't let anything come between me and my lamentations. Though what you are about to read is not much of a lamentation, rather somewhat like a giggly high school girl's diary entry on her first kiss.

No, this is not censored.


I just finished taking a bath yesterday at 630pm when my phone played Ni Yao Te Ai [cheezy, I know]. I had Jane answer it since I was still wiping dry. She let out a shriek and said the magic words that unleashed the long-buried giddy side of me. "Floi! Hulaan mo kung sino! PeopleSupport!" [Floi! Guess who's calling! PeopleSupport!].

I dropped everything [which includes a deodorant and my towel] and ran to get it. I was completely caught off guard, literally. There I was in my naked glory being interviewed by Ms. Mia from PeopleSupprt. A very professional first aquaintance, I must say. If she only knew, she wouldn't have given me any second thought and rejected my application right then and there. Lolz. But, I'm proud to say I quickly regained my composure [still with nothing on] and handled it well.

After the call [still in my birthday suit], I jumped around the room like a cheerleader on a championship game. I sneezed and realized I'll catch a cold and not be able to move on to the next step of my application if I don't get dressed soon.

I shared my joy with Jane and she joined me in my victory dance when a realization struck us at the same time. Ms. Mia scheduled my exams, etc. the next day which happens to be today! At 930 in the morning!

We were bombarded by a gazillion questions. What will I wear? Where is Robinson's Summit Center in Makati? Will I be able to get there on time?

Needless to say, I spent the whole night worrying, which is not surprising. Imagine being informed less than 24 hours beforehand of the biggest event that will make a lot of difference in your present life.

I had Jane wake me up at 5am but it seemed I wasn't the only one excited about this. It turned out she didn't doze off until a little after 4. I myself didn't even realize I have already fallen asleep until I woke up opened my eyes to sunrise. Yes, we got up at 630 which was good enough because we arrived at the building just on time, 20 minutes before the appointed time to be exact.

There I was, all executive-ly looking in my corporate attire. Draw me in your imagination: sleeveless polo, black collared overcoat, black slacks, mum's deadly pointy black leather closed-toe stilletos which I've coveted since she bought them, pearl teardrop earrings, my hair neatly secured in a low ponytail and light virtually-not-there make-up.

While waiting for a jeep, it drizzled. I would have been pissed off for the rain on what I now pertain to as my perfect day since... forever! But, I saw it as God's way of saying "Relax, Floi, I'm with you all the way." God literally showered me his guidance!Ü

We reached the building and I only found out then that my ID is missing. It never left my wallet so I was confident it would be there but it wasn't. Someone played a cruel joke and took my one and only valid identification paraphernalia. Good thing I looked credible enough that the receptionist let me in anyway. TSK! TSK! TSK! Very unprofessional.

Jane and I planned to meet up in G4 at 12noon since she wasn't allowed in the building. And I took the elevator to my salvation [located in the 32nd floor].

The rest is well... censored. He he he. To give all those aspiring eReps out there some challenge! But, I have to admit, their written grammar and reading comprehension exam was not like any I've taken before. It did require thorough contemplation. You could just imagine how surprised I was when Mr. Exam Proctor announced that I aced the test. I, Marie Fleurdelis Pablo, a college undergraduate aced the hiring exam of one of biggest call centers in Makati, or perhaps the world. Excuse me, I am not bragging. Well, maybe a little. No, not at all. I am not yet in the position to brag. [Don't jinx it, Floi.]

And, here I am, wishing the next three days would just disappear into the abyss of history and I'll be receiving the judgement call.

Den-de-de-den-den-den-den-den. Drum roll. Until the call.

Keep your fingers crossed!

*.* as if! @ 1:17:00 AM • • RBJ

Thursday, February 05, 2004

I'm Back!!!


Phew! Now, that was a long time to abandon blogging. A REEEEALLY long time. No one can empathize on how much I missed doing this. I have so much to blog about because last Thursday, I finally was allowed to go out of the house.

Unfortunately, my mind is starting to doze off and my fingers are a bit worn out from chatting. I surfed around checking out other blogs first. Then, friendstered. Then, chatted and Y!-ed. Sorry for putting blogging off.

I'll try tomorrow.


*.* as if! @ 4:07:00 AM • • RBJ


I'll be seeing you. Goodnight.

Find me here:


Palabras Finales

Remember me when you hear this

sleeps with butterflies ~ tori amos

Airplanes take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live?
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat?
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl, this girl

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

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