there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Don't effin' blame the chef!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

The big WHY

Apparently, people find it more intriguing when you proclaim yourself happy than when you're not. It seems less likely for one to be elated than to be miserable. Hahaha! I'm happy but I still sound bitchy. Bring it on!

Roselle is right. Happiness indeed is a state of mind. You don't need external factors to reach nirvana. I realized I don't anyway. Maybe I do, but I believe otherwise. To set the record straight, my happiness does not rise from romantic reasons. I am over the pathetic mentality that I need some guy to make me feel loved, thus, make me happy. I have liberated myself from the bonds of testosterone dependence. I am now a free woman. Zero heart torment. Finally.

Now that we've straightened that out, let me tell you the real reason. NOTHING! As in, I woke up one day [March 15 to be exact] and decided to despise negative energy. Coz everything happening right this moment is nothing but good to me. Too good to be true. A series of God-given blessings. Yes, I believe only God can concoct a series of events all webbed up leading to an ultimate culmination. An outrageous turn of events.

Stop wondering, kids. Even neuters like me deserve to be happy.Ü

Don’t need the sun to shine
To make me smile
Don’t care if it’s dark outside
Cause I got you
And though the rain may fall
No, I won’t care at all
Cause baby, I know that I got you

That's me singing in front of the mirror. Talk about Narcissism. lolz.

*.* as if! @ 11:02:00 PM • • RBJ

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I'm happy

Too happy to blog. hihihi. See ya all soon.

*.* as if! @ 11:09:00 PM • • RBJ

Friday, March 19, 2004


My first week at work has finally concluded. ANG SAYA!!! And receiving a compliment from The Boss definitely boosted my ego big time. ["You know, you're pretty good for a first timer."]

Well, I'm in the support department. I'm a secretary/receptionist/filing clerk and the list of tasks go on. Um, I guess it would be more appropriate to say that I AM the support department. Coz the company's still a baby.

I won't be surprised if you have not heard of our company yet but you will a lot soon. Press release is coming up and well... let's just say this is an opportunity I never even imagined will knock bang on my door.

Oh, and about my previous entry, haha! I need not worry about anyone squealing on me. Coz duh! Previously browsed URL's appear on the address bar when the arrow is clicked. I just hope no one finds out. Someone told me it can be erased. If you know how to, there's my tagboard. You know what to do.

Chick with a Geek

Guess who I had a coffee date with yesterday. This guy!!! yeah... The man whose charm is so intense it swallowed me whole.

Details are for me to know and you to find out. Just that he is a geek. Was. Till he met moi. Sweet!

oh... Highlights: (Lines that almost made me fall off my chair)

• Are you mad? Don't be mad. Hindi bagay sa cute ang mad face.

• Really? Didn't I use that line with you before? ["You know, you're pretty good for a first timer."]

• [I went to the bathroom and came back with my hand covering my face in embarassment]
What? What's wrong? You need napkin? I'll buy for you.
[No, I'm okeiii. Kakahiya naman.]
Come on, friends naman tayo e. [Take note: friends]

• Tara, let's go.
[Yoko pa umuwi e.]
Ako rin naman e. [Gestures me to come closer. Then whispers] Natata* ako e.


News came out that Gabriela movement orchestrated a rally against some brandy whose ad line goes
"Nakatikim ka na ba ng kinse?"

Okeiii, I have nothing against them. I'm an advocate of democracy. But hey, it's just an advertisement, for Jane's sake! And kinse años is just Spanish for fifteen years! The ad might be interpreted by some to be malicious but that's the point. It means what you interpret it to be. And if those Gabriela girlies find it demoralizing, then perhaps, they have deimmoralized minds.

FYI: I'm a UP student but I'm not an activist. I neither support nor contradict those who are.
Bottom line: Stop stereo-typing UP students as activists. Their real population merely comprises roughly 10% of the whole UP population.

*.* as if! @ 9:06:00 PM • • RBJ

Thursday, March 18, 2004

This is going to be short...

Coz guess what! I'm in the office!Ü

I blog at the risk of being terminated after one week of employment. Hahaha!

The boss is out and well, I'm a mouse.

So, don't squeal on me, oki doki?Ü

*.* as if! @ 5:12:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Just to let you know I'm still alive

• I am now employed at SpecOpS Labs, Inc. Started working March15. I couldn't be any more glad that I didn't get into a call center. This job is a gazillion times better. And I love riding the MRT!!! I can't get enough of it. Weird. Plus, corporate outfits are way cool. I look so cute! I think. Irony lies on the fact that I receive an average of 4 interview invitations per day since saturday. This ePacific something even sent me a text message today asking me to confirm. I'm putting aside my call center aspirations for a while. Maybe a looooooong while.

• Thank you for your condolences, guys. I know I should be sad but I'm not. I'm sure my friends are now in a better place. BTW, I made this huge mistake of looking at their pics at the morgue. Morbid is an understatement. Man! They were literally in pieces! So, it's a good thing they didn't make it lest they would no more than vegetables.

• I didn't get to watch Incubus. Okay, I'd rather not talk about why.

• I went out with Loiza [with new boylet Marnie] and Nog instead that Friday night. We went clubbin' as usual. But...

• I still was in the dumps. Coz my Moonlight Man went to New York 3am the next day. FYI, if you read my ROAD RAGE post, he's Mr. Castrol #2. Damn! Fate has a twisted way of making itself known.

• I watched Gothika with Astro last Sunday. That movie scared the wits out of me. [the last movie that had the same effect to me is The Sixth Sense]. It was the first time we went out after the you-know-what. See people? Friendship is possible after you-know-whats.

*.* as if! @ 9:50:00 PM • • RBJ

Sunday, March 07, 2004


This post is dedicated to Arnold "Dong" Firme and Ros Madel "BJ" de Vera who were killed on the spot after being hit and dragged by a container van 1am March5 on the corner of Manila Times Village. The two were my childhood friends and their death came as a shock to all of us.

Good night, dear friends. Good night.

*.* as if! @ 4:31:00 PM • • RBJ

Friday, March 05, 2004

Thoughts on Wheels

The thing I love most about long car/taxi/van/jeep/bus rides aside from observing life passing by is those random thoughts that just pop up - thoughts embedded in my quite cynical brain buried under day-to-day hypocrisies tactics to convene with the/an ultimate force which weaves people's fates. Anyway, before I stray into another rather pathetic whining of how chaotic my quite shallow life is, read about what is written on my wilting brain cells when placed under a magnifying glass.

Barbie Dolls

"The society's concept of physical beauty is molded by the images inculcated into its members during their toddler/pre-adolescent years."

Quoted from my History 1 [Philippine History] teacher Ma'm Boro [respectfully addressed to as Marlboro by my fellow UP slaves]. I have to admit, it was a bit off topic for the course, but quite an interesting insight nonetheless. In fact, I forgot Philippine Geography shortly after our map exam but this line stuck up to this day.

I grew up believing that I was the ugliest least physically blessed in our kin, among my peers and just about in the whole of my then-still-diminutive world. There even came a point when I would avoid going to the girls' bathroom in our school in fear of being reflected on the same mirror side-by-side BEAUTIFUL women. Nobody knew about my inferiority complex. As a matter of fact, this is perhaps the first time I have confessed this psychological defect I had to anyone. The very first, which perhaps mean that I have utterly identified and treated this defect. Yey.

It wasn't until when I was in junior year in high school that I appreciated the beauty that was in me. NAKS! [tear :'(] No, really. Believe it or not, it was the first time that I exclaimed with full conviction that I AM BEAUTIFUL.

Why the header, you ask? Because Ma'm Boro associated Barbie dolls with the society's molded concept of beauty. Long hair, tiny well defined facial features, fair skin, the body's curves, well... you've probably seen a Barbie doll yourself, right? [Don't tell me no, I'll come out of your monitor and scare your wits off you like Sadako.] Little children subconsciously attach these characteristics to being wholly beautiful. I mean, c'mon, even children understand that if majority favors something, it ought to be really Something.

Bottom line: people should realize that conformity is somehow interchanged with simply joining the bandwagon. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. True. Let us define beauty for ourselves. Not by the standards the society has set before us.

Looking High, Looking Low

There are times when I wish people would stop treating me with so much trust and just leave me be with what I do and don't know. Being someone's confidante is quite flattering, yes, but being burdened with classified-X-files information is just not my cup of coffee.

I've recently found out that the person I look up to and whose pedestal for me is way higher above everyone else's isn't entirely great as I thought he/she is. It is only human to err, I know, but when you've had the reputation of being a wise person all your life and respected by EVERYONE by it, you turn into this superhuman who shouldn't do anything less than perfection. You don't just reach mid-20's and realize that, "oh, I missed out on my teenage years when I had every right to be rowdy and wild. Maybe I'll do something that will blow everyone's top off."

He/She did. Even I, the bitchiest bitch of them all couldn't top off the humiliation and, well, self-destruction his/her actions caused. All in a desperate attempt to catch the attention of his/her eyecandy.

I know my informer *snicker* didn't mean to and I bet what he/she delivered to me is no propaganda. But I couldn't help but feel sorry for that person in my mind's pedestal who suffered a terrible fall into the murky, filthy mud. Sorry boy/girl.


he's and she's intended for gender preservation. If you think you are or you know who I'm talking about, just bite your tongue. I shall hear none of it.


I Abstain

i never did like politics. The only reason I assumed political positions in the sorority is because I was coaxed into it with the simple statement that should the power and authority fall into the wrong hands, I carry it in my conscience for as long as I shall live. Emotional blackmail always works. And of course, I have come to believe to "take delightfully any opportunity for responsiblity."

Elections have transpired and a new roster of officers was presented. MIS took on her second term which was a pleasant coincidence that the brods' head took on his second term as well. I honestly can preconceive wonderful things for this term. I just hope my instincts don't fail me. They never did but once. But we'll go to that in the proper time.

Anyway, I was at the elections but I wasn't there. Jenn, Kate and I spent most of our time outside the room, exhausting our lungs with you-know-what. Somehow, I just didn't want to witness the elections, even less participate in it. I've had enough politics in my lifetime. I'm not even a registered voter for the upcoming national elections.

So, shoot me. I'm a delinquent citizen.

Friends? Friends!

I have finally come to terms with Him. I was still quite uncertain as to what the status of our friendship is. But, going to UPLB and being with Him again for the first time after the ------, I was finally convinced of His sincerity on being friends.

I have to admit, I was kind of avoiding being alone with Him the whole two days because I was dreading talking to Him about all the hu-hu stuff. I'm serious when I said NO MORE DRAMA. And I plan to be firm on it.

I'm just more than too glad He came around and took my offer of friendship without any more hesitations. I just have to remind Him once in a while that we are now just... friends.


From now on, I will refer to him as Him since I no longer have the right to wring His neck should He complain about the publish of His name. Just Kidding!!!
Please do not confuse Him with any theological being.

Applause! Applause!

Phew! This blogpost is fairly long and juicy for someone who hasn't had any sleep [no naps, no dozing off, nada] in the past 36 hours.

Yes, people, I'm talking about wide-eyed stone-sober awake. Someone told me lack of sleep and loss of appetite are the first symptoms of manic depression. Great. I got over a psychological sickness and now, I'm going down with a new one.

*.* as if! @ 8:22:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Road Rage

I almost wasn't able to go to such an eventful activity. Why? Mum and Pop didn't let me. Boy, was I surprised.

But being the rebellious daughter that I am, I went anyway.

I arrived at around 3pm and the activity was already in full swing. [If it can be called like so.] The entries didn't reach the projected number, though. We learned later that it was partly because FPJ held a campaign somewhere near San Pablo which caused heavy traffic. Darn politics! We lost at least 5 entries. FPJ sure lost at least 20 votes.

The weather couldn't have been more cooperative. I loved it! Looking back on Transhow 2001, we all had sunburns by the end of the day. I had this tan line which showed prevalently coz I was wearing a tank top the whole day and changed into a bareback top for the awarding ceremonies. I was teased to be Floi Egay for days after.

By 7pm, some sisses transferred to Flatrocks to prep things up for the after-party. I was one of them. It was a bit funny because they were announcing the whole day that the awarding ceremonies will be held at Flatrocks but they didn't realize that some participants had no clue as to where Flatrocks is. I posed as tour guide and gave the participants directions. I now have at least 5 more stalkers on my cellphone. Great.

The party was a blast. For the Betans, anyway. Most of the participants were too tired to "pah-ty!!!". By midnight, entrance was free and San Mig Light was sold at P20. I slipped out of the party with Allan for a while and transferred to IC's for Weng-Weng. We caught up with each other. Actually, I wouldn't call it catching up coz for the two years that I've known him, that I've hung out with him, I never really had a personal conversation with him. So, it was more like getting to know each other better.

We went back to the party and I sat down with the Castrol people. I was thinking "Forget PR-ing the participants. Focus on the sponsors." Lolz. Well, we've been seeing Mr. Castrol #1 since the very first Transhow so we've known him for two years and he has always been this aloof I'm-here-for-business man. We were all surprised when he launched into a comedy act and took on the spotlight. Hmmm... we should have gotten him drunk years ago!Ü Mr. Castrol #2, as we found out later, doesn't really work for Castrol. He's just Mr. Castrol #1's peer that got fed up and became an instant judge for the activity.

By 4am, things mellowed down and we called it a night. Roselle the Great and I crashed at Lou-Anne's place. We finally hit the sack at 6am after evaluating and discussing the activity's turn-out over lots and lots of food. Talk about major after-gimik pig-out.


A friend taking up Computer Science at DLSU was asked if she has already made/designed/posted her own website. She calmly answered no. When asked why, here's her answer.

"E kase sa tingin ko yung mga merong sariling website, conceited. Puro lang naman tungkol sa sarili nila ang nilalaman nun e. E hindi ako ganun."

Just like her to have a far-out opinion. He he he.


A thing about break-ups is claiming your single-ness.

Before I even thought of it, He already deleted His testimonial for me and mine for Him. I was surprised He didn't delete me from His friend list.

I asked a friend who is recovering from a break-up if she has already deleted the ex's text messages. She hasn't. I dared her that we'll do it simultaneously. She faltered. Why? Coz she "can't handle it if the ex deleted her text messages. And she wouldn't stand it if the ex deleted her from his life altogether".

I haven't deleted His messages yet. I guess I'm still gathering up enough strength to even think of completely letting go.

*.* as if! @ 3:55:00 PM • • RBJ


I'll be seeing you. Goodnight.

Find me here:


Palabras Finales

Remember me when you hear this

sleeps with butterflies ~ tori amos

Airplanes take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live?
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat?
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl, this girl

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

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