there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Don't effin' blame the chef!

Friday, January 28, 2005

Walang Pakialamanan

Galeng! Ngayon ko lang napansin ah!


Mula nung binigay mo sa `kin yung password mo, dalawang beses ko lang yata binuksan yung profile mo. Wala naman ako makikita eh! Puro ako rin lang naman nagtiyagang mag-message at magbigay ng testimonial sa `yo. Kinikilig ka naman. Niyaya kita sa Friendster, hindi sa puso ko.

Higit sa lahat, nirespeto ko ang iyong karapatang magkaroon ng privacy. Sabi mo wala kang tinatago, eh di wala.

Binigay ko sa `yo yung password ko, hindi ang karapatang manghimasok. Pinagkatiwalaan kita eh! Sabi mo iba ka. Ngayon, tiyak na `kong lahat ng Bedista, hindi dapat pagkatiwalaan - ng password man, puso o ng kahit ano pa. Puro sarili nyo lang iniisip nyo. Siguro, meron kayong isang subject na yun lang ang itinuturo - kung pano mahalin ang sarili na walang konsiderasyon sa iba.

Alam mo naman kung gaano kahalaga sa `kin yung testimonial na yun. Tanging yun na nga lang pinanghahawakan ko eh. Yun na lang ang nagpapaalala sa `kin na minahal nya rin ako, na hindi ako mag-isang nahulog.

Kung inisip mo na ayos lang sa `kin na pakialaman mo yung profile ko, eh di sana hindi na kita pinagbukas ng sarili mong profile. Sana naghati na lang tayo sa profile ko. Pero hindi, meron ka, yun lang dapat ang pinakialaman mo. Ang kay F ay kay F at ang kay Z ay kay Z.

Huwag mo nang subukan magpaliwanag pa. Sabihin mo man na nais mo lang ang makakabuti sa `kin, hindi yun sapat na dahilan. Wala ka pa sa tamang posisyon para sabihin sa `kin kung ano yung makakabuti sa sarili ko.

Hindi pa nga tayo, ganyan ka na ka-possessive, tingin mo bibigyan pa kita ng pagkakataon na maging tayo? Lagi ko sa `yo sinasabi, hindi pa ko handa pero ang totoo, merong bumubulong sa `kin na meron mali. Female intuition. Kahit kelan hindi pa ko binibigo nitong kutob ko. Ito ang dahilan kaya ko sila nahuli, di ba? Silang lahat. Ngayon, kayong lahat na.

Hinde, hindi ka kasama sa kanila kase sila, MINAHAL KO. Nasaktan ako. Eh ikaw, you were merely an activity partner for me. Ni hindi kita tinuturing na kaibigan. FB? Feeling Boyfriend. Hindi ako manghihinayang kung mawala ka.

Hindi ko na kailangan pang pahirapan ang sarili ko bukas. Pumunta ka sa Frolics nyo at pupunta ako sa party ng brod at sis ko para sa `kin. Enjoy.

`Di ba matagal mo na kong kinukulit na gusto mong mabanggit dito sa blog ko? Ayan, magsawa ka. OO, ikaw. Z, eto na'ng una't huli. At wag na wag mong kakalimutan, nagkahiwalay tayo dahil sa testimonial. Sa susunod mong makikilala, alam mo na.

Ang sakit ng ngipin ko.

*.* as if! @ 5:23:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Not Another One

I asked them if he was coming. They told me he can't coz he has work. I told them to send him an SMS that I was there and I demanded he show up. Fifteen minutes later, there he was.

I was seated with Skye, Dazed Angel, and friends. Being the eternal feeling-hostess I am, I sporadically transferred from one table to another, chatting with everyone that passed my way.

The band was on their second set and Xaymaca was hopping. He was behind me. We were in the same stance as when Voldemort saw us in Basement. The same one that sent chills down my spine as I felt his chest intermittently rub my back, his face close to my hair, and his hand steadily on my waist.

After the set, Xaymaca morphed into a gas chamber. As before, he asked me to get some O2 outside. I saw Maningning who was a tad too giddy after five bottles. I excused myself from him to say hi to the sis. Then, Maris and the LB brods said goodbye. I threw him a wink meaning I was going to take a few more minutes. He waved OK.

Ten thousand people later, I went back to him but he was nowhere in sight. "We're going", invited Skye. I had to pee so I went back inside, with hopes of finding him to apologize and properly bid goodbye. The Hempress and her men were standing by the bathroom. Chit-chat some more, ganja-giving then I relieved myself.

My business was done and I could no longer stall. I slid in the backseat with a heavy heart. I texted him. He was still at Xaymaca. It was such a small place; why we didn't see each other, I have no idea.

We filled ourselves at Mister Kabab. He said he wanted to follow but they wouldn't let him leave alone. *sigh*

It is times like this that I believe what people say. I ought to be crowned Ms. Congeniality. I unintentionally have to cozy up with everyone at the expense of the guy whose arm is where my hand is nestled on.

*.* as if! @ 3:58:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


That is what hair on a mole is called.

Imagine kissing someone with a mole and lots of kukurikapu right above her upper lip.

Eeeek! The guy sure has a strong stomach.

karug - pubes extension on the lower abdomen
burnik - pubes extension around the bunghole

*.* as if! @ 5:09:00 PM • • RBJ

Think About This

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

*.* as if! @ 3:32:00 PM • • RBJ

Monday, January 24, 2005

There is no such thing as boredom

But there is such a thing as Floi.

Tangina. I'm bored!

Excuse my French; the word is my best form of expressing excessive emotion.


I have a gazillion things to blog about. I can blog about my birthday leave which I spent at LB, or my near-coital experience, or my three-year boy-friend who wants to be my boyfriend, or the doctor who wants to give me an IE [internal examination], or the stripper at Venue, or the newly-indoctrinated brod who strongly resembles the puppet Arn-Arn, or the surprise birthday party for me this coming Saturday at 65B which isn't much of a surprise anymore, or my new shawl from Baguio courtesy of Dumz.

Instead, all I can say in this post is tangina.

There's something missing. Amidst my eventful life, I still feel like nothing is actually happening.


*.* as if! @ 2:07:00 PM • • RBJ

Acting My Age

Proof that I'm not ready to move on from being 19 just yet:

You Are 19 Years Old


13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

Got this from Chevy. She acts her age. I'm immature by a year for mine. Gah, Chev! How can we be twins if I'm twenty and you're seventeen?! Hehe

*.* as if! @ 10:09:00 AM • • RBJ

Jeepney Joyride

I woke up to three "Good Morning" text messages from different guys today. It made me smile and annoyed at the same time. Wasn't it just yesterday that such messages from a ceratin someone made me giddy with excitement? It was a perfect jumpstart for the day.

Those three messages propelled my cynical mind. Would every guy who sends me a "Good Morning" SMS break my heart in the end? Stereotypical.

I was so deep in reverie I realized at the MRT that I DID NOT pay the jeepney fare not once, but TWICE! I did not pay the fare to Baclaran and I did not pay the fare to Pasay Rotonda. I got on and off the jeeps like it were free rides in UPLB. Tsk Tsk!

So, that's why the guy I rode with on those two rides was giving me strange stares. Kahiya.

*.* as if! @ 9:32:00 AM • • RBJ

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Who Needs Rehab?

Hey, check out the Google ad on my sidebar.

A rehab facility for alcoholics and drug addicts?! what the eff?!

Google ads are supposed to be related to the contents of the webpage. Hence, Google thinks this blog is about alcohol, drugs and the like?!

Do I really need the money to tolerate this on my blog? I don't need bad publicity.

Oh well, Im'a take it out after a few more posts. Hopefully, the ad'll change when my Birthday Wish post is out of the page.

*.* as if! @ 2:01:00 PM • • RBJ

Get Right

Jennifer's new video features a table-dancing j.Lo. It makes me more of her genetic structure than ever. First, the butt then, the dancing skills. Whoa! feeling! Pshhh.

I'm just working for the day I can wear midrift tops too. Soon, I hope.

Watch the video here

*.* as if! @ 1:50:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Jamaican Nights

Hindi pumunta, mabaho.

*.* as if! @ 5:44:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

This is it

Today, I turn


Actually, not just yet coz I was born at exactly 6:45 pm. Mum was still in labor at this time 20 years ago.

Now that I think about it, turning 20 is not so bad. Bob and Jillsabs are right; turning 30 or 26 are worse. Well, I have a few more years to worry about that.

Unlike my past birthdays, I didn't stay up to wait for midnight last night. I was out cold before 11 struck. Then, My Boo started slicing through my dreams and I realized my phone was ringing. I turned it to silent mode and dozed back off. Hehe don't get me wrong, I was excited to read and hear people's greetings but at that moment, sleeping was my priority.

When I woke up, I was overwhelmed with what I saw. 37 messages and 24 missed calls. I never felt so loved.

Look! The stars are in my favor.

My plans for tonight? Do some serious soulsearching. I'm going to spend some time with myself. Pa-drama effect lang.

*.* as if! @ 9:59:00 AM • • RBJ

Monday, January 17, 2005

Birthday Wish

My birthday wish is a little ahead of time. It is because I hope my wish comes true before my birthday comes. Strange?

Well, I wish I won't have to turn 20. That's my birthday wish. Is it a little too much to ask? I guess it is. It's like wishing for my poop to turn into gold.

I had an interesting weekend Friday. It was funn, as usual. But I shall shelve it at the moment. I need to deal with more personal issues.

Being younger than most of my friends, I'm the last to have to go through it - denial. I've seen them all go through it. Somehow, everyone wasn't ready to leave their teenage years behind. It is a universal fact that the teen years rock.

Mine did not only rock, it was intensity 9 on the Richter Scale. I, cliche as it may sound, had the time of my life. As the countdown on my sidebar states, teenhood entitles a person to a license. For me, this license is to be a teenager. [DUH?!]

Look back at your own teen years, weren't you allowable to do/commit things adults aren't?

Here are some off the top of my head:

• Party all night, be scolded by your parents and shrug it off
• Miss your classes because of a hang-over
• Miss your classes because you're too lazy to get off your bed
• Underage (illegal) drinking & smoking
• Have your parents finance all your vices (without knowing it)
• Ridicule adults
• Dance on the ledge
• Waste away in a bar and topple tables over
• Bat your lashes/smile your way to getting what you want

and the list goes on...

I think the keyword in all these is responsibility. Teenagers have the license to be irresponsible. They should be because this is how they learn to deal with the brutalities of life. They get the chance to see first-hand the effects of being irresponsible. I did. I am just not ready to step to the next level of my life yet.

Did anyone mention that 20 is actually the most confusing age? Let me. 20 is actually the most confusing age. Not, 16 nor 18 but 20. At this age, you are neither a teenager nor an adult. 20 does not have the suffix teen so literally, you're not a teenager anymore. Legally, adulthood starts at the age of 21 so you're not yet an adult. What are you, then? Confused - that's what.

When I turn 20, I won't be mature for my age anymore. 20 sounds the same at 25. So when people ask me how old I am, I won't see the impressed expression on their faces anymore. It'll be a blah information for them. Hmmm... You'll know when you're getting older when you start to push back your age. I guess I really am older than most 19-year-olds. I feel I am but I'm not. 8->

I want to be a teenager forever. But, I'm aware that more often than we do, we don't get what we want. Some people stop counting when they reach a certain age. I think Im'a stop at 19. For now, anyway. I have to accept the inevitable at some point. After all, I don't want to be looking 40 and still be 19 years old, do I?

*.* as if! @ 2:43:00 PM • • RBJ

Friday, January 14, 2005

In My Shoes

I am surrounded with broken-hearted people. People don't seem to want to do anything but sulk - sulk over break-ups, sulk over unrequited love, sulk over what-might-have-beens. Sigh... Just when I've gotten over doing that. Actually, I don't think I've ever done that. I go out and live a normal life as if I didn't have my heart trampled on at all. No one notices I am hurting until I open my mouth.

Ironically, these people were the same ones who were pressuring me to let go, move on, get a life... the works! I, on the other hand, am not mean enough to say "Right back at ya!" or "See what I mean?". I'm being considerate and tolerant of their behavior which I expected them to do while I was pouring my heart out to them. That is what a friend is for, right?

I'm not bragging or anything but I guess I'm better at healing myself than anyone gives me credit for. Wait, I AM bragging! This is my blog and im'a brag if I want to.

People may think I'm pathetic in dealing with heartbreaks because I'm vocal about my feelings, i.e. how I feel is "out there". You see, I believe that pain and frustration is easier dealt with when affirmed.

Affirmation is the first step to acceptance and acceptance leads to realizations. One day, you'll wake up and be able to say with all honesty that you're over him/her. Let me rephrase that. One day you'll wake up and be able to say with all honesty that you can move on without him/her.

Moving on and getting over someone are two different things. I think everybody moves on after a heartbreak but nobody ever gets over his/her loved one. It's like a "keloid" [I have no idea and I don't friggin' care what the medical term for that is. Y'all know what I'm talking about]

A "keloid" is a scar whose wound didn't actually heal. The skin regenerates, closing up the wound. Thus, physically, the wound characterized by the break on the skin has been healed. But, technically, it hasn't because underneath the skin, there is still a breakage in the tissue. Whatever. You all SHOULD know what I'm talking about by this point.

Anyway, moving on is the regeneration of the skin and getting over the person is the breakage in the tissue.

But like, the "keloid", not everyone has it while some are more prone to it. You're smart enough to figure out what it implies.

As for me, I'm keloid-al. But, who goddamn cares, anyway? Just felt like saying so. T'was just me being vocal and pathetic and "out there".

I've come to the part on this post where I've mustered enough annoyance to want to scream at their faces.

"Who's pathetic now, huh?!"

I should've their preachings and insults but I didn't and well, let's just say I'm more than happy that they had a chance to know how it feels to be hurt. It also helps to realize that at 19, I'm wiser than some mid-20 [even late-20] people.

*.* as if! @ 1:04:00 PM • • RBJ

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Kung Poo Hassle

Kung Fu Hustle made my face hurt!

I was practically laughing the whole duration of the movie. It's even funnier than Shaolin Soccer. I wonder where the Chinese get those silly ideas.

Haaay... I don't know which I hate more, my height or the G4 Cinemas. I was sporadically shifting from left to right to read the subtitles. Or maybe the guy in front of me is just plain arrogant. Y'know, malaki ang ulo.

*.* as if! @ 6:44:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


Ton and I planned to watch Kung Fu Hustle tonight but he has the colds so I cancelled. Like what I told him, sa panahon ngayon, bawal magkasakit. With fears of contracting meningo and all? I don't wanna risk my fragile health.

Now, Ton, THIS is a quickie. Got it?^_^

*.* as if! @ 6:53:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Pass the Advil

I'm stealing a few minutes from work time to blog. I have this excruciating migraine that I just have to let my brain rest. Hmmm... blogging as a form of de-stress-er...

The past weekend [plus Monday] had been good for my social sustenance. Just when I thought Im'a socially dry out. Right on time!^_^

I was impausibly happy and fulfilled last Friday. In my tank top, orange sweater, denim mini-skirt and blue flats, I braved the jungle that Manila is. By Manila, I mean Quiapo, Recto, Divisoria and Morayta. Crazy, huh? Yeah, I am.

I was supposed to pick mah bebe Belle up who I haven't seen since May at her apartment beside McDo Morayta. I was coming from the office in Shaw. Now, I've been everywhere but not Manila. Mum has been keen on keeping my brothers and I way from crowded chaotic places. Don't get me wrong, I've been to DV - a lot, actually, being the economic shopper I am - but never by myself in such attire.

Belle gave me specific instructions to take an FX to Quiapo from Shaw, get off by Quiapo church, hail a jeep going to España, Project 6 or 8 then get off in front of McDo Morayta. She told me to ask assistance from the driver.

I was on an FX, monitoring my location by checking out the addresses on shop signages, all giddy from the adventure. [I know it's pretty pathetic for me to consider taking public transpo to Quiapo by myself an adventure] When we were in Recto [How did I know it was Recto? Because of San Beda, of course], I asked the driver how I can go to Morayta. He told me to get off right then and there and get on a jeep going to Divisoria. He told me I would see McDo Morayta on the left.

Bottom-line: Everyone alighted the jeep at Divisoria and still no McDo Morayta.

I asked direction from the security guard in Mercury Drug [God bless that kind ol' man] and finally reached McDo.

The plan was for me to pick Belle up then go to Tigatto in Timog. Guitarman had a gig that night and boy, how I wanted to see him again. Yep, I eventually forgave him. Plus, he's pretty good in playing a shrink. I think my therapy's going well. He does know girls more than girls themselves do. Well he should after four years of being surrounded with them. He received his degree in Music from St. Scho. He's straight!^_^

Belle and I waited for her bf Bumi who was kind enough to drive us to Tigatto.

Tigatto's a cool place. Not exactly Gilligan's nor Pier 1 but it's decent enough. I fell in love with their cocktail Tigattochangga which is a smoothie of vodka, Bailey's, Kahlua, strawberry and chocolate with a stemmed Marachino cherry. Yum yum yum! Belle said I looked like a child enjoying a tropical shake on the beach. I finished the drink off with a cherry knot, of course.

Guitarman's band is the coolest factor in the bar. There were four of them. He on guitars, Chino on kahon, Peach on lead vocals and Rei on back-up. FYI, Peach has the most viscous voice I've ever heard live. Think Aretha Franklin and Mary J. Blige. She's also the wife of South Border's Vince. How's that for a couple! Sad to say, though, that she left in the arms of another man that night. Cheeezmeeez!^_^

Shameless Plugging: Joint Bridges will be at Tigatto all Fridays this month. Gig starts at 9pm. Check em out! They're not your typical acoustic band. You should hear their version of JT's Like I love you.

At around 2 am, my world started to spin. I was texting SBLS that night and jokingly asked him to pick me up. His reply? "Cge. Give me an hr." Yay!

Few minutes over. To be continued...

*.* as if! @ 3:07:00 PM • • RBJ

Monday, January 10, 2005


Wala lang. Big smile lang.

*.* as if! @ 11:58:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Beautiful Girl

A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high, full of the single greatest commodity known to man--promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl, in her smile, in her soul, in the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay.

Aaaaack! This is the sweetest thing a guy has ever said about me! Well, not actually say about me coz he DID NOT mention me per se but... whatever! He wouldn't write it about me if he doesn't mean me, right?

He said it was quoted from Beautiful Girls which I've never seen and now must see. See? He means it enough not to claim he wrote it himself! Sweet!^_^

*.* as if! @ 6:20:00 PM • • RBJ

Monday, January 03, 2005

High 5 in '05!

Eeeew... where did that come from?!

Anyway, here's something to look forward to this year:

If you loved Amelie, you'll definitely DEFINITELY love this.

Duh! Audrey Tautou and Jean-Pierre Jeunet? French dialogues and English subtitles?

Expect nothing less than magnifico. Don't forget your Kleenex!^_^

I hope and pray that by the time this shows, I'll have someone to watch it with.

*.* as if! @ 11:42:00 PM • • RBJ

Look Back

Said my niggas don't dance, we just pull up the pants and,
Do the Rock-away. Now look back, look back, look back, look back.

2004 is emphatically the best year in my nineteen year of ubiety on earth.

Here we go:

January - Depression
According to Kubler-Ross, the sequence of emotions following discovery of life-altering information are as follows:

Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression and finally, Acceptance

In reference to my dismissal from U.P., January witnessed the final stage before I finally accepted my predicament.

February - Letting Go
Ironically, the love month witnessed me giving up the only relationship I ever felt security in.

March - Bouncing Back
The Floi took on the corporate world and showed everyone how little of a failure she is.

April - Love
It was during this month that I proved to everyone and more essentially to myself how much I love womanhood and sisterhood. Chevy happened.

May - Friendships
May witnessed me expressing how much I value people I love.

June - Burn
What can't be can't be. On the other hand, together with Chevy and her cousins, I set Common Ground on fire.

July - Rainbow
I was given plenty of false hopes during this month.
False hope in life, false hope in love, false hope in friendship.

August - ***
This month oughtta be forgotten. Horrible things pounced on me.

September - Funn
Do you remember? Badiya... dancing in September...

October - Discovery
I covered hectares and hectares of foreign ground behind enemy lines during the 10th moon. It allowed me to get to know MYSELF a lot better.

November - Living Alive
This month. couldn't. have been. any. better. It seemed it was the first time I felt life running through my veins after a long time.

I started feeling alive. and free.

December - Synopsis
The culmination of the past year was a nice clutter of all thoughts and emotions I went through the whole year. Nice. Niiiiiiice.

What's in store in 2005?

Nobody knows and I'm thrilled to find out!^_^

*.* as if! @ 5:34:00 PM • • RBJ

Pink or Blue

I hated my lay-out so much I couldn't blog. It's not that I DIDN'T want to blog; it's I COULDN'T.

I realized that I love pink, but only when it's on me. The pink lay-out had to go. Isn't blue a whole lot better? Definitely my color.

What a way to start a new year, right? Little Miss Fickle-minded.

P.S. Someone please help me activate commenting system by Blogger. Thanks in advance! *kisses*

*.* as if! @ 4:59:00 PM • • RBJ

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Hello 2005!

Phew! Lemme wipe the sweat from my forehead first. I can't seem to make up my mind on what the new concept of my blog would be. I'm feeling girly so here yah go, Cher!^_^

Is it me or is my new template PINK?!


But it's not THAT bad. Actually, I'm a bit frustrated coz I worked on this really nice banner but photobucket automatically resizes it. Someone please host my banner?*batting lashes*

New URL too! I figured too many people I personally know have been feasting on my thoughts and using it against me. Oh well...

Here's to a new year, new life and new love!^_^

I'm mentally drained at the moment so Im'a blog later. Let me just say that this template is definitely NOT here to stay. Pink is not for me.

*.* as if! @ 8:31:00 PM • • RBJ


I'll be seeing you. Goodnight.

Find me here:


Palabras Finales

Remember me when you hear this

sleeps with butterflies ~ tori amos

Airplanes take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live?
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat?
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl, this girl

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

miss me? spot me here:

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