there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Don't effin' blame the chef!

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

No Headliners

I've been keeping my social life [and sanity] in tune lately by chatting. Lots and lots of chatting in IRC and Y!. I dunno if it's good for me, though, coz all it does is make me feel bad about having to meet people through this darn technological box and not actually face-to-face. You see, everyone who knows me knows that I'm an extremely social person who enjoys a nice good talk even with a stranger, especially while observing their personality through their gestures and facial expressions. My psychological instincts at work, perhaps. And it almost never fails me.

But in the internet, I can't really tell what the person has in mind. The thing that most irritates me is that people, especially guys, tend to give you more attention once they see your picture [or on the webcam]. Thus, leaving no room for further personal discourse. They say things meant to impress you, not necessarily true. They shower you with compliments synonymous to "Damn! You're pretty" thinking you'll give them more than a minute of your time if they do. Doesn't work for me, though. I applaud those who shows interest in me because they "... think you're really smart. I wanna get to know you better". Smart is good. A welcomed compliment anytime. :)


A lot commented on my previous post about the housewife part. For the record, no, I am not married. No, I do not have children. No, I am not pregnant. And I probably won't be these things in the near future. Hell, NO!!! The mere thought of it makes me cringe.

You all just missed the "I feel like..." at the beginning of the sentence. Pardon me for the compound sentence.



Johan mentioned me in his blog. Nothing big. He thinks I'm "...some girl named floi". Lolz. I guess that's all I really am. Some girl.

He even mentioned "She's got some issues, too." Even a stranger knows there's something not quite right with me.


I've opened a new friendster account for those people who wish to "be friends" with me. Plus, I learned it's the best way to be noticed in a chatroom. And I'm getting kinda sick of getting friend requests from people I've never even heard of. I'm just heeding Friendster's advice of "You should only approve this request if _____ is really your friend".

Someone noted "Naks! Parang artista ah!". Lolz. Not so. Coz artistas get paid.


The sorority had a system-wide conference last Saturday. I didn't get to go which made me extremely pissed with mum and pop. Grrrr. Good thing my fangs weren't sharp enough, lest they'd be suffering from rabies by now.

We'll They'll be conducting their Medical Mission this Saturday. I'm hoping against hope that I can come.


Just for laughs. I heard these from Wave 89.1.

"If four out of five suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that ONE actually ENJOY it?"

"Women prefer older guys because they are more matured. But, men on theory, DO NOT MATURE. So, better marry a younger guy."


I've been forcing my lazy ass to workout. Making use of those Tae Bo maneuvers I learned from PE 2 back in freshman year. I actually feel stronger and less hostile. Bring on the happy hormones!


Why haven't I been blogging much lately?

Simply because, I lost the spirit to. I feel so stupified lately I can't even say a decent sentence. A bloggable*** sentence.

***bloggable - now, that's a word. Courtesy of the Pablo's Dictionary.


Aren't we feeling all quote-y in this blog entry? And all tidbit-y?

*.* as if! @ 4:11:00 AM • • RBJ

Sunday, January 18, 2004

A Year Older but None the Wiser

I turned 19 today. Not like it matters. I'm pretty much the same girl I was at least a couple of years ago.

However, upon celebrating my so-called debut to adulthood, I didn't have the slightest inkling that I would wake up a year later feeling at least 20 years ahead of my time. Then, I was at the peak of my youth. A micron away from juvenile delinquency, but a UPLB slave student while at it.

Now, I feel like a massive responsibility has been placed upon my shoulders and I have become a plain housewife [minus the sexual freedom *snicker*]. Not like it matters. Oh well, no surprise a miserable young lady will receive nothing but misery on the day she said "hello" to the world.


I greeted mum "Happy 19 years of motherhood". At least, I'm not so self-absorbed.


Consolation: paternal relatives threw a get-together for me. It wasn't hard plastering a smile on my face. Everyone in the country was there. I really do appreciate the gesture, sarcasm aside. [tear :')] Astro went with us. He loved my family so much he swore I'm the woman he'll marry someday. Hmmm... I'm thinking "Sure, why not? In like, 10 years or so!Ü".


I realized today that unless you're throwing a birthday bash [where people of course will practically do anything to be invited to], no one will bother to greet you. Less than a dozen spent a peso in sending me their birthday greetings. But, I'm fully contented anyway. Coz those few people were the ones closest to my heart. They were worth a million greetings from nobodies. Thank you everyone! Mwah from the bottom of my heart.

Advanced Birthday Gift

A couple of days ago, I sent out e-mails to my sisses requesting assistance regarding my job hunt. Sis Thea forwarded my e-mail to some brods and sisses and these brods and sisses forwarded the e-mail to a lot more. In short, there was a sort of e-mail campaign to find me a job.

I consider it an early birthday gift from the Betans. Special thanks to Thea for the effort. Thanks, Sis!Ü Mwah!

Saturday Salvation

Jane, Xavier, Simon and I went to Rock Radio Cafe in Alabang last night for Sickfest, after going to Manuela for some-kinda-but-not-really family reunion in honor of the visiting relatives. Typical band-night. But I was more than glad to be anywhere but home.

Mortalgrudge [apparently, according to Jane, they have an ongoing major dispute with Mortalfear for obvious reasons.] plays so much better than Mortalfear. Probably slightly attributed to the fact that they have better-looking members. But, they are ill-mannered, too.

Ding! When someone is introduced to you, the least you can do is say hi back or even give a small nod. You don't just walk away. It's just down-right arrogant. Didn't your mothers teach you any manners?

Red Flag is Up

...but it has nothing to do with my dark mood.

These cramps are so killing me! I hate being a member of the female species.
But, I love being a girl most of the time, though.Ü

*.* as if! @ 4:16:00 PM • • RBJ

Friday, January 16, 2004

Bouncing Off the Walls

I wanna go out! I wanna go out! I wanna go out and have fun! I wanna go out and drink myself to death! I wanna go out and dance the night away! I wanna go out and meet new interesting people! I wanna go out! I wanna go out!

Sounds like a song. An airhead's song.


I am SO missing LB. I miss the UPLB lifestyle. I miss the UPLB crowd. I miss... everything about it.



Relatives from California, Kuyang Ces [pop's brother] and Ate Tess [his wife], arrived today. I didn't get to go with others picking them up from NAIA coz they flew in at 9am which is way too early for sleepyhead me. They passed by the shop on the way to Kuyang Willy's house anyway so I got to see them.

We-got-a-new-web-cam! We-got-a-new-web-cam! [chanted by syllables]

Kuyang Ces brought us a new webcam which has higher resolution than the old one. I'm gonna have more fun online!!! ;)

*.* as if! @ 10:59:00 PM • • RBJ

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Officially Gone Mad over Tamia

Talk about serious LSS, man. I can't get Tamia's Officially Missing You off my head.

It's my New Year Anthem.
I remember, the same happened like two years ago with So Into You. There's just something about Tamia's voice or the lyrics that shoot straight into my heart. [mushy!!!]

Oh well, gotta indulge while it lasts. Kuya's really irritated coz it's all I play in Winamp. It's better than humming myself to death. 8-)

Damn It!

Friendster system is down. AGAIN!

I can't approve Friend Requests. To everyone awaiting my approval, so sorry. I'll approve it as soon as this irritatingly addictive online network stops being all fucked up.

*.* as if! @ 8:11:00 PM • • RBJ

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Goin' Down The Drain

WHOOPSIEDAISIES!!! <=== famously uttered by Hugh Grant in the movie Notting Hill.


because Astro and I were supposed to have celebrated our SEVENTEENth monthsary yesterday but none of us remembered. As in!

In the past, we anticipated our monthsaries so much we even try to beat each other on who gets to greet first. We would stay up until midnight just to win. Now, I only remembered coz I got to look at the date on a text message.

I dunno. It's a bit scary. Reality bites.


Sorry sorry to someone I made plans with but had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances. Nothing personal to you.

Please please pardon me.


It seems like I've been making and breaking a lot of plans lately. What is wrong with... everything?!? I'm was [?] Ms. Spontaneity. Now, I can't even commit to random engagements. argh?

*.* as if! @ 11:06:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Rocker Chick

Last Friday, I didn't feel all that bad about cancelling my LB visit because I went out with Kuya and Jane to Mayric's. A regular player in our shop Adam [I only got to know his name when we were already almost leaving Mayric's] came with us.

We left the house at 9pm and was there at 1100. Mayric's is supposed to be like 45 mins from our house at that time without the traffic. Would you be believe how hard it is to hail a cab at that hour?!

Anyweiz, we finally got there unmugged and a whole lot of people greeted Kuya and Jane. It reminded me much of The LB Gimik Scene. You know, everyone knows everyone else which is really great. It created a really homey ambience. Well, I wasn't all at home in Mayric's at once. There I was, in a foreign land [reeeally foreign because I'm the R&B-Bump-and-Grind kind], surrounded by foreign people [you wouldn't believe how many people had piercings till you see it], and listening to forein music [my music taste is as diverse as the United Colors of Benetton but, hey, that was Mayric's, home of the underground bands]. I was all too glad that I didn't stand out in the way I was expecting to [i.e, hey, look at me! I love R&B] but rather in a way I imagined to [hmmm... who's the chick?;)].

I have to give a special shout-out to WICCA especially to SHA SHA for their jaw-dropping performance. Okeiii, imagine this: a petite stick-thin girl with uncombed shoulder length hair and pearl-fair skin growling like a mad man onstage. THAT is Sha Sha. They played their own music, too. I won't claim that I'm a credible music critic but I know good music when I hear it.

After Mayric's, we went to Skins Malate for what I'd like to call an after party. hehehe. Famous rock stars always have those. lolz. I got invited to this "private party" where all the bands hang out. Ketch and Ariel was there and Ketch was cute as ever! Ariel was obviously too wasted coz he was a little too friendly. I made friends with a LOT that night [or rather, they made friends with me].

The catch: some bitch Karen made a scene and provoked Jane for a fight which I tried to resolve. My reward? That bitch pushed me away making me fall on my butt. This foreign guy came to my rescue. Aaaargh! That made me be thankful I usually hang around with fine, civilized girls. [Cheers, friends!] It also ended our night out.

I was so drunk I fell off the stairs of our house! Now, I sport this huge blackish-greenish spot on my left elbow. It hurts. *puppy face*

El Komento

Now, I don't even know if that's the right term in Spanish but I have attached Haloscan Comments to my posts.
Feel free to use 'em, peeps. o^_^o

I Love Madonna!!!

who doesn't?

Her Love Profusion video proves once again that she is the Queen of Reinvention. Cry your heart out, Britney. You can never be like her. Lolz.

yum yum yum

I am currently craving for Subway sandwiches!!! huwaaaa!!!
I gotta go to ATC tomorrow.

*.* as if! @ 1:11:00 AM • • RBJ

Friday, January 09, 2004


Should've gone to LB for the day but i chose not to. I was gonna go there for the sorority workshop but turns out, it was cancelled. For the nth time, nobody bothered to inform me until the very last minute. Surprising.

Sayang! Charm came to visit yesterday and the sisses went on a gimik. Mylene texted me yesterday like around 4pm. Hello! As if i can still leave at that hour. Plus, i was doing my laundry yesterday so i'll have fresh clothes for TODAY! The things i do for my sisses.

pretty girls have perfectly groomed eyebrows

I am not obssessing.

Okeiii, maybe i am. A little.

First thing i notice about a girl's face is her eyebrows. Simply because i have ALMOST NON-EXISTENT ONES!!! *scream* my eyebrows are so thin i got nothing to pluck nor shave. What puzzles me is that i got mestiza blood running through my veins. So, why the thin facial hair?

I got them groomed [you can laugh now] yesterday due to the constant insistence of Jane and well, at least they have shape now. I tried filling it in with eyebrow liner but it ended up too strong i almost look like Bert from Sesame Street.

Can't have it all... at least I have my ten-million-dollar-smile. :D

*.* as if! @ 3:37:00 PM • • RBJ

Thursday, January 08, 2004

growing up

i have finally outgrown my pa-cutie pie effect. floicute8 is no longer functional and so is the too vague come into my world. definitely, so is butterfloi. am just conceptualizing my new template that's why all those butterflies are still there. i signed me up for a new yahoo ID and got me a new identity for

however, something someone said really stuck to my mind.

"...pipol often use chatting [or the internet, for that matter] to compensate for wat they arent in person..."

maybe, i'm just irritatingly sweet in person pretending [or trying hard] to be mean online. or maybe it's the other way around. i'm nasty in reality but pretending acting all nice in person. maybe so. i am, after all, a people pleaser. i am as authentic as tupperware. and i rant on and on about this site being my outlet. ouch! hahah... talk about self-acceptance. heheh... whatever.

*.* as if! @ 1:03:00 AM • • RBJ

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

new peeps

went to pasay with jane last night. she borrowed some cd's from her friend. got to meet Ketch and Ariel. they're a couple. a good one, too. ketch is this pretty morena chinita and ariel's in a band. lolz. Alvin was with us. he is the one with Mortal Fear. hanged out a little then went home.

because i got high

caught some zzz's before midnight and slipped into heavy sleep with this too realistic dream nightmare. woke up at around 2am really disoriented. as in, disoriented. didn't have any idea where i was. THAT was SCARY. i had to feel around for the light switch. i didn't even know which direction it was. ooohhh... i never wanna feel that way again.

subconscious tales

the too realistic dream i had? it was about kuya dying. but, i'm not too afraid of it becoming real coz they say that someone WILL die when you dream of your tooth falling off.

anyway, it started [or at least that is as far as i can remember] with jane and i on our way home from pasay. weird thing is, we went home to our former house in manuela, the house i grew up in. THE big house.

mum and pop welcomed us when we got home. they weren't crying, though. but a whole lot of people were. the house, frontyard and garage were full of weeping people. mourning people. we didn't know for whom yet until mum told us.

that's when we ourselves started crying. then, i woke up.

i dunno why but everytime i have a dream about a house, it's always that same one. the Manuela house. never did the Times house nor the Manuyo house appear in my dreams. i guess it really was the one and only house we lived in which i considers home. after all, i spent 10 years of my life in it. practically half of my life. it is where i got to realize the world around me. it is where i got to enhance my social, spiritual, emotional, even political skills. hmmmm... tear :'(

inspirational ek-ek

i almost forgot this but the last time i went to LB, i saw this written on the back of some guy's shirt. cliche as it may sounds, this really does make a lot of sense.

Learn from the past
Work for the present
Look forward to the future

but i think on some versions of this, present actually sounds better [and more sensibly] with live.

*.* as if! @ 11:38:00 PM • • RBJ

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

wishful thinking

Luck was with me yesterday and caught Great Expectations. Ethan Hawke definitely looks more fuckable with a moustache and a goatee. And would anyone disagree when i say that his love scene with Gwyneth is SOOOO steamy. I'd give everything for someone to offer me a one-on-one painting session. ooh-lala! Ü

and then...

Astro paid me a visit today. We spent like an hour together and then he went home. He literally just dropped by to get his phone. Oh well...

*.* as if! @ 5:48:00 PM • • RBJ

Monday, January 05, 2004


someone actually complied to my call for suicide. incredible.

can i just say sarcasm???

goes to show how this someone takes EVERYTHING too personally. a little too much.

enough. period.


i so love blogchalk!!!

my blogs now appear on search engines. i've had more visitors in the last couple of days than in the past month.

cool!!! 8-)


my pics are hosted by villagephotos. but apparently, they are not being hosted well. they just won't appear!!! kainis!!!

if anyone knows a better image hosting site, pls tag me... thanks.

*.* as if! @ 1:30:00 PM • • RBJ

Saturday, January 03, 2004

ooops, i did it again

weblogging is getting me into a lot of trouble.

i don't know if it's me or my readers. i mean, c'mon, this is MY weblog; i'm free to write anything i want here. i didn't create this blogger account nor do i spend my time typing these words to impress and satisfy anyone but MYSELF. this serves as my outlet as a frustrated writer. anyone is free to read my thoughts, though, and comments are more than welcome. somehow, some people hold what i write [and what i don't] against me. they just take everything too personally. okeiii... i admit i myself sometimes have paranoia attacks. but, i try to confirm the truth first before exploding. coz i know if i happen to be wrong, no one will be embarassed but me.

i am SO torn between writing and not writing what i am really thinking/feeling. after all, everything i write here is supposed to be as real as it can be. this is the perfect means for me to exercise my freedom of speech. who will benefit from me making up lame stories? definitely not myself. the truth and the truth alone shall set you free. however, certain restrictions are set not to hurt anyone. I AM NOT A HEARTLESS BITCH. and some more are being created by the minute. in my goal not to hurt someone, i hurt someone else. in the end, this someone else hurt me back. round and round. argh. it all started with me and ended with me. i've become [rather reluctantly] the alpha and the omega.

to everyone whom i've hurt with my blogs, I AM SORRY.
but not for my blogs. i feel sorry for you for you do not know how to respect other people's opinions and emotions. mine in particular. i am sorry i unconsciously made you feel the way you do. go get a razor and kill yourself. you do not deserve to read my blogs.

*.* as if! @ 9:58:00 PM • • RBJ
easy come, easy go

a shopping spree, malate gimik, TGIS night and Enchanted visit later, my christmas allowance is now non-existent.

gone. account balance is zero. zilch.

gotta go find me a job!

so, anyone, i'm currently on a job hunt. am a college undergraduate but i got good credentials. tag me. please.

*.* as if! @ 6:28:00 PM • • RBJ
new year, new beginning

... and a good one, too.

bring on the firecrackers

new year's eve was a good compensation for my christmas eve.

the family had media noche at the shop [where i now live with kuya]. the food was oh-so-yummy!!! the center piece was a lechon pig face. but i didn't eat a lot because i wanna stick to my resolutions. [only macaroni salad coz it was really yummy]

kuya took videos of jane, pangee and moi dancing to ocho-ocho for the relatives abroad. it was really funny!!! and the screaming bout i had with mum was just a contest on who can do it the longest. kuya, jane, pangee and i played counter-strike till the wee hours of the morning. i was getting better at it.

i never did like firecrackers. they scare the hell out of me. kuya lit a juda's belt and i almost jumped off my skin. argh.

i read somewhere that it's a superstition that what you do and what you are come new year will be what you'll be doing and what you'll be for the rest of the year. does this mean that my family will be happy and together for the year 2004?

hope so.

come together, right now

we went to malabon on new year's day to visit our closest maternal relatives. [no pun intended]

it was great. baby erythe is getting bigger and cuter. lady will always be the sweetest thing and her two older brothers will always be brats. [these children are my nieces and nephews. cousins' offsprings]

tito emeng gave me a pair of AND 1 sneakers which fits very well. and ate mayeth gave me a nice green turtleneck top.

we left at around 530 and went to baywalk. [that's manila bay for the oldies. ;p] the place was filled with people. i remember when i was a lot younger, you can't even walk there with safety in your head. it was like someone's gonna mug you anytime or something. and when you go there, it connotes that your pockets are empty. well, ours are but a lot of dough-plenty peeps were there. coñotics, even.

we ate at this side-street kiosk Indo's strip along the walk which serves sizzling dishes. we were supposed to eat at this japanese one but all their jap dishes were unavailable. [which was irritatingly ironic] right before we took our first bite, a fireworks display went on. [FYI: gambas are shrimps and calamares are squids, ok? i learned that in my brief career at a bar in LB which is called Panicles which are actually rice plant stems] it actually lasted for 15-20 minutes which probably caused some mesmerized people stiff necks. we were laughing all along coz whenever this firework which creates a huge colorful circle comes on, everyone says oooh in chorus. reminds me much of those cue boards on variety shows which says applause.

after appeasing our hunger, we took a walk without a certain destination. just enjoying the lights, sounds, aromas and of course the crowd. we had mum and pop go ahead since it was their 26th anniversary. but, really, coz simon and i wanted a stick. what, with that huge meal! [there goes my resolution]

we regrouped by the fountains beside aristocrat. walked a little and decided to call it a night. grabe talaga ang holidays! traffic is less than amusing. made pop be thankful he didn't have to drive through it. but on the way home, we realized the downside of taking public transportation. there are more passengers than available transpo. especially taxi cabs. they still haven't changed. still selecting passengers for their own convenience. we had to take a bus home.

an enchanted afternoon and evening

jan2 we went to Enchanted Kingdom. we was me, astro, simon, kuya, jane and their chatmates. mum and pangee followed later.

we were there at 1 and the ride qeues were already long!!! that was when we learned the most valuable lesson about EK. NEVER GO THERE ON HOLIDAYS AND ON-SEASON. we went home at 1 the next morning and we only got to enjoy SIX rides. dodgem, log jam, space shuttle, rio grande, anchor's away and rialto --- in chronological order. we waited for an average of two hours per ride. grabe talaga!

the worst was in Rio Grande. we waited for FOUR hours!!! someone in line even muttered "maghihintay ka ng apat na oras para lang magpabasa. dapat umuwi na lang tayo at nagtabo." i want to say that the wait was worth it but i can't. the rubber handle smelled like a basketball player's used towel and so does the water. i tried to enjoy it, though. four hours is a big thing. a couple of hours later, i was itching like crazy. ugh.

the one good thing about waiting in queus was that i was with my baby. plenty of QT [quality time].

someone brought a digicam and took pictures. i'll post them as soon as he sends it.

it's a small world, indeed. on the queu to rio grande, i saw angela. she is a friend's friend who also went to SJA. i was in grade six when she graduated from high school. she is also kuya's long lost friend. i really am good with faces coz the last time i saw her was before graduation. okeiii, i still see her face in our yearbook. [grade school and high school batches share a common yearbook] she was more admirable, however. she still remembers me.

give me a fine time

someone is being missed. badly.

worse, paranoia is kicking in and i'm thinking that this someone doesn't want to see nor talk to me anymore.

invisible mode is terrifying. petrifying. mortifying.

someone. someone. you know who you are. [i hope]

*.* as if! @ 5:51:00 PM • • RBJ


I'll be seeing you. Goodnight.

Find me here:


Palabras Finales

Remember me when you hear this

sleeps with butterflies ~ tori amos

Airplanes take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live?
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat?
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl, this girl

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

miss me? spot me here:

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