Thoughts on Wheels

The thing I love most about long car/taxi/van/jeep/bus rides aside from observing life passing by is those random thoughts that just pop up - thoughts embedded in my quite cynical brain buried under day-to-day hypocrisies tactics to convene with the/an ultimate force which weaves people's fates. Anyway, before I stray into another rather pathetic whining of how chaotic my quite shallow life is, read about what is written on my wilting brain cells when placed under a magnifying glass.

Barbie Dolls

"The society's concept of physical beauty is molded by the images inculcated into its members during their toddler/pre-adolescent years."

Quoted from my History 1 [Philippine History] teacher Ma'm Boro [respectfully addressed to as Marlboro by my fellow UP slaves]. I have to admit, it was a bit off topic for the course, but quite an interesting insight nonetheless. In fact, I forgot Philippine Geography shortly after our map exam but this line stuck up to this day.

I grew up believing that I was the ugliest least physically blessed in our kin, among my peers and just about in the whole of my then-still-diminutive world. There even came a point when I would avoid going to the girls' bathroom in our school in fear of being reflected on the same mirror side-by-side BEAUTIFUL women. Nobody knew about my inferiority complex. As a matter of fact, this is perhaps the first time I have confessed this psychological defect I had to anyone. The very first, which perhaps mean that I have utterly identified and treated this defect. Yey.

It wasn't until when I was in junior year in high school that I appreciated the beauty that was in me. NAKS! [tear :'(] No, really. Believe it or not, it was the first time that I exclaimed with full conviction that I AM BEAUTIFUL.

Why the header, you ask? Because Ma'm Boro associated Barbie dolls with the society's molded concept of beauty. Long hair, tiny well defined facial features, fair skin, the body's curves, well... you've probably seen a Barbie doll yourself, right? [Don't tell me no, I'll come out of your monitor and scare your wits off you like Sadako.] Little children subconsciously attach these characteristics to being wholly beautiful. I mean, c'mon, even children understand that if majority favors something, it ought to be really Something.

Bottom line: people should realize that conformity is somehow interchanged with simply joining the bandwagon. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. True. Let us define beauty for ourselves. Not by the standards the society has set before us.

Looking High, Looking Low

There are times when I wish people would stop treating me with so much trust and just leave me be with what I do and don't know. Being someone's confidante is quite flattering, yes, but being burdened with classified-X-files information is just not my cup of coffee.

I've recently found out that the person I look up to and whose pedestal for me is way higher above everyone else's isn't entirely great as I thought he/she is. It is only human to err, I know, but when you've had the reputation of being a wise person all your life and respected by EVERYONE by it, you turn into this superhuman who shouldn't do anything less than perfection. You don't just reach mid-20's and realize that, "oh, I missed out on my teenage years when I had every right to be rowdy and wild. Maybe I'll do something that will blow everyone's top off."

He/She did. Even I, the bitchiest bitch of them all couldn't top off the humiliation and, well, self-destruction his/her actions caused. All in a desperate attempt to catch the attention of his/her eyecandy.

I know my informer *snicker* didn't mean to and I bet what he/she delivered to me is no propaganda. But I couldn't help but feel sorry for that person in my mind's pedestal who suffered a terrible fall into the murky, filthy mud. Sorry boy/girl.

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he's and she's intended for gender preservation. If you think you are or you know who I'm talking about, just bite your tongue. I shall hear none of it.

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I Abstain

i never did like politics. The only reason I assumed political positions in the sorority is because I was coaxed into it with the simple statement that should the power and authority fall into the wrong hands, I carry it in my conscience for as long as I shall live. Emotional blackmail always works. And of course, I have come to believe to "take delightfully any opportunity for responsiblity."

Elections have transpired and a new roster of officers was presented. MIS took on her second term which was a pleasant coincidence that the brods' head took on his second term as well. I honestly can preconceive wonderful things for this term. I just hope my instincts don't fail me. They never did but once. But we'll go to that in the proper time.

Anyway, I was at the elections but I wasn't there. Jenn, Kate and I spent most of our time outside the room, exhausting our lungs with you-know-what. Somehow, I just didn't want to witness the elections, even less participate in it. I've had enough politics in my lifetime. I'm not even a registered voter for the upcoming national elections.

So, shoot me. I'm a delinquent citizen.

Friends? Friends!

I have finally come to terms with Him. I was still quite uncertain as to what the status of our friendship is. But, going to UPLB and being with Him again for the first time after the ------, I was finally convinced of His sincerity on being friends.

I have to admit, I was kind of avoiding being alone with Him the whole two days because I was dreading talking to Him about all the hu-hu stuff. I'm serious when I said NO MORE DRAMA. And I plan to be firm on it.

I'm just more than too glad He came around and took my offer of friendship without any more hesitations. I just have to remind Him once in a while that we are now just... friends.

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From now on, I will refer to him as Him since I no longer have the right to wring His neck should He complain about the publish of His name. Just Kidding!!!
Please do not confuse Him with any theological being.

Applause! Applause!

Phew! This blogpost is fairly long and juicy for someone who hasn't had any sleep [no naps, no dozing off, nada] in the past 36 hours.

Yes, people, I'm talking about wide-eyed stone-sober awake. Someone told me lack of sleep and loss of appetite are the first symptoms of manic depression. Great. I got over a psychological sickness and now, I'm going down with a new one.

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*.* as if! @ 8:22:00 PM • • RBJ