Bored-walk

I went to boardwalk with Mum, Pop and Baby Sis. Yes, it was surprising of me to tag along since everyone knows how much I consider spending time with my folks to be nothing less than unbearable lately. Well, I'm so unpredictable I even surprise myself sometimes.

So, there we were, strolling along, seeming to be a happy family to bystanders perhaps. Weeeell, I was kind of contented I did go coz I think we really were happy. No arguments, would you believe it?!

That is, until we sat down for dinner.

My current state of being an OSY surfaced and... need I say what happened next? There I was, on the defense again and there they were, the antagonists, dissecting my every act and word for the whole duration of my stay in UPLB.

When will this end?!

I'm trying hard to convince myself that I'm perfectly fine now. I'm trying hard to push myself to move on. They just can't let it all go.

I guess it's harder for them considering everything they had to "go through" to give me what I "threw away" but can't they fully comprehend that I do realize that this is MY life at stake. Theirs is starting to simmer down; mine's just starting to sizzle up.

Often I wish that I weren't this smart so my mind's eye won't have to see what a waste I'm bound to become. Or what a waste my PARENTS think I'm bound to become. I won't have to be aware of all these wasted potentials and opportunities. I would just be preppy, naive floi without the slightest struggle to claim myself from my parents.

I Hate Plans [part two]

I hate plans. Even more the people who can't keep them.

Jane and I planned to meet up with Yekk and Alvin at Skins. Pop permitted me to. My wallet permitted me to. But Jane had to act up on the last minute. Cancelled.

Yekk offered to pick me up at home. I was getting ready. Alvin had to act up. Cancelled.

Loiza texted me saying she was there at Starbucks Malate. I was going to just take a cab. Pop took a look at the time. 11pm. Cancelled.

Why?! Why?!

Mindless Rant

Random thoughts I scribbled on the back of a notebook while simply listening to Wave:

The world tumbles on my shoulders. Every tiny element of hell I endured for the past 19 years of my existence to grasp even the slightest droplet of greatness is lost in the sea of nothingness. The fall from the cliff of success flicked me right in the nose and opened my senses to the bitter reality that I am no more than a flailing convict in the death row. I cannot smile my way nor write my path out of what fate has in blueprint for me. This is the end of the line for me. I have become a crippled voyager finding refuge in a gypsy's caravan. Good Samaritan? They left me in the middle of the desert without my knowledge; the blue skies and green pastures were all a mirage all along. Find you own wagon, Floi. Dream on.

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*.* as if! @ 11:53:00 PM • • RBJ