I ditched work yesterday. Excreting four months worth of blood from my uterus was too much for my system to handle.

It must have been the sudden rush of hormones but I found myself in tears every waking hour. So, I ended up sleeping most of the day.

When I woke up at 6, I sobbed from the cramps. I tell you, it was the worst ever. I terribly wanted to get rid of my pelvic area.

I went back to sleep and dreamt of last saturday night. It would have been magical; but, the moron claims the magic was all in the alcohol and weeds. He hasn't changed a bit. He's still the imbecile who can't take responsibity for his actions I've known him to be. I've had enough of this. That would prolly be the last I'd see him. But then, haven't I said that far too many times before?

I woke up and wept. My overanalytical mind wandered to thoughts of someone exploiting my kindness. "What is mine is always yours but what is yours is never mine." Stupid girl I am.

I dreamt of seeing Randolf again at Temple last Monday night. Nasty coincidence. It reinforced my hunch that I am quite an attraction to conceited lame-ass perverts. When would God heed my prayers?!

I missed Roselle terribly. I cried and cried and cried. It was a good thing. All those months of denial and facade of acceptance, I finally cried it all out. I realized I've been finding it hard to cry lately. Yesterday, the tears just flowed and flowed and flowed. Perhaps, it alleviated my subconscious anger towards God. My soulmate, how could God be so cruel?

The show I watched last holy week about the apocalypse played in my mind. It has been predicted that the end of the world would come on 2012. The earth as we know it would be gone when I become 27 years old. It made me cry in fright. I realized how terrified I am of death, no matter how strong and unafraid I pretend to be.

Sigh. The downside of having a XX chromosomes.

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*.* as if! @ 12:45:00 PM • • RBJ