there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me



If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Don't effin' blame the chef!

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Maternal Affection

I've never had a good relationship with my mother. All those times that I thought we were finally on the same wavelength, we weren't. Those were mere instances that we mutually decided on a ceasefire.

We were getting our Saturday dose of Showbiz chika when it all started. She invited me to get a facial to which I replied that I don't have the budget for that now. She then launched into this long chain of insults and questions as to where my salary goes. I won't hold it against her, I admit I do have a serious problem in spending my money. Four days after payday and I'm broke.

I thought that it is typical of wives and mothers to whine and nag. At this point, my mother is beyond typical. She's, without doubt, the worst whiner and nagger.

I've dealt with her for twenty years. To expect her to change now or anytime soon is to expect red to become blue. So, I developed this weapon of defense against her episodes of lunacy.

One thing I seem never to be prepared for is her insults against me as a person and as a woman. I can let other people insult me beyond reason but one thing I just can't swallow is my mother thinking less of me. She actually believes her beloved daughter is a whore and makes the most naive decisions.

My mother is the only person who is successful in making me feel bad about myself and I hate her for it.

Before leaving the house to cool off at my brother's place, I told her something that really broke my heart. I saw her hand flying to my cheek which I involuntarily dodged. All throughout the argument, not a single tear trickled from my eyes but they rivered out as I say, "Eventually, you're gonna grow old alone because you've pushed as all away. Be happy alone."


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*.* as if! @ 5:30:00 PM • • RBJ

 


I'll be seeing you. Goodnight.

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Palabras Finales

Remember me when you hear this

sleeps with butterflies ~ tori amos



Airplanes take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live?
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat?
I won't push you unless you have a net


You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy


Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl, this girl

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy


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