nostalgia

i went to pick up pangee from school yesterday. BIG MISTAKE! it took my every strength to hold back my tears. watching them high school students and thinking about me when i was still one. so much has changed. to think it has only been two and a half years. life was so simple then. i was really struck by the graduation speech in Almost Famous. "Don't forget who you are now, so full of hope and dreams..." i was full of hope and dreams in high school. i still am. i just need my parents' support. that's one thing i really need right now but seems impossible to get. i mean, c'mon... what's been done is done. just let it go! i'm moving on. my dismissal from U.P. is a big blow on my pride, and on me. i guess they're forgetting that i do have feelings. i have my pride. i'm greatly affected by what happened. IMMENSELY affected. if only they have any idea how invalid i feel. i find comfort in the fact that i can still go back and reclaim my worth of passing the UPCAT. so anyway, i still believe that being dismissed isn't the end of my life coz it really isn't. i'm too young and precious to waste away. i still am hopeful to do great things and i have such wonderful dreams. it does not do good to waste away in dreams. give me the grounds and i'll act... again. i'll try hard not to mess up this time. i WILL reach my dreams and when i finally do, it would take every drop of my strength not to rub it in their bossy faces. so anyway, i waited for an hour for pangee and she still didn't show up. i didn't have the courage to look for her inside the campus and be flooded with memories of my distant perfect, idealistic life. especially the thought of my former teachers asking about how i've been doing and what was my business there. i doubt if they won't recognize me. sir baluyot did. my 4th year P.E. teacher cum CAT commandant did. it took him a second glance to but he did. and hollered my name for everyone else to take notice of me. true, it's heart-warming but still, very depressing. whatever happened to the talented admirable floi of St. Joseph's Academy? somewhere between St. Jo and U.P., my talents withered and my perseverance for studying was blown away by the excitement of the real world.

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*.* as if! @ 2:22:00 PM • • RBJ